


Idiosyncrasy

by JustCallMeGirlFriday



Series: Getting into the complications of feelings [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeGirlFriday/pseuds/JustCallMeGirlFriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quinn is trying to prove to Rachel that she truly does love her. But after a childhood of abuse Rachel is finding it hard to believe that Quinn truly cares for her. Can Quinn fight through all of Rachel's protective shields?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> SONG BASED OFF: 'Idiosyncrasy' by: Anthony Snape
> 
> TIME LINE: Future the girls are out of Lima, Ohio.
> 
> DEFININATION: 1.a characteristic,habit, mannerism,or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.
> 
> 2\. the physical constitution peculiar to an individual.
> 
> 3\. a peculiarityof the physical or the mental constitution, esp. susceptibility toward drugs, food, etc. Compare allergy( def. 1 ) .

"Have you ever wanted to kiss your best friend?" Quinn asked turning with her right elbow against the small pier railing. The two young women were standing outside of their shared home that was set upon the small lake; that they simply had fallen in love with after deciding that they missed living in a house.

"No." Rachel simply said. "My best friends are my fathers. Although I only share DNA with one – it would be too weird to kiss a man that I regard as my father." Her left eye brow rose, "Whom did you want to kiss? Santana or Brittany? Or both separate or even together."

"I don't think of them in that way." Quinn snorted, "They are my close and personal friends, - but they aren't my best friends."

Rachel frowned in confusion, "Wait, you don't hang around with anyone but them mostly. They have your back whenever you need – oh," A light clicked, "It's Mercedes that you want to kiss. That makes sense. You two did grow closer when she offered to take you in during you last stages of your pregnancy."

"Mercedes isn't my best friend." Quinn smiled.

"You want to kiss Kurt? Quinn, he's gay. He's not into kissing women. I heard that when Brittany planted some on him – he almost threw up in her mouth. Quinn, do you really want Kurt to barf inside your mouth? Have it running down your throat, and into your own stomach." Rachel's eyes bugged out of her head.

"Kurt is my best male friend. Actually with him being gay, I could say he's my best female friend." Quinn smirked.

Rachel's face fell. "Oh." She turned her eyes back to the small river that they were standing over. The moonlight shone upon the water. "I g-guess that Kurt's barf is a lot better then …." She stopped speaking.

"You and I got closer over the years, Rachel." Quinn said in a soft voice as she moved closer to the shorter brunette. "After I finally got over all the bull shit that I willing put myself in when we were children. I have finally grown into the woman that I was always meant to be. I have you and Beth to thank for that. Only you two saw the real me, neither of you had ever given up on me. Especially you." She placed her right arm around the slim waist of the Broadway Diva at her side. "Beth had no choice in the matter. She was growing inside me at the time. She was quite stuck to me for nine months. But you, you weren't connected too me what so ever by DNA. But you firmly stayed in my life. You refused to leave."

"You needed someone real, and whom would always support you." Rachel levelly said. Her eyes remained glued at the water. "No matter what." She whispered.

"We are friends." Quinn softly said. "Forever friends."

"Friends -" Rachel softly but firmly repeated. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, "Friends." She said in a hard voice.

"Rachel -" Quinn frowned.

Rachel shook herself as she pulled away from the warmth of Quinn's arm. "It's okay, Quinn. We are just friends. I understand where we stand. We don't have to have the talk that define what we are too one another. It's quite all right. We'll just go on as we have been going. You and I living together and raising Beth together." Tears sparkled in her eyes as she tried desperately to blink them back.

"Rachel …." Quinn tried to break in. Taking steps forward trying to reach out to touch Rachel, but the shorter and younger brunette kept moving backwards.

"Look Quinn, I know you have been overwhelmed with your new job and all. So how about you take a few days to yourself. Don't fret about Beth. I'm going to take a leave from the play. Give my understudy the break that she needs." Rachel laughed and shrugged, "Never know she'll probably be discovered, and she'll move onto something better then being my understudy."

Rachel laughed with an sob, "I mean really – who would want to be my understudy? She should be the star and I should be the understudy. Always the understudy. That's my rightful place." She whispered the last. Lowering her eyes because she didn't think she had any right to look Quinn in the eyes.

Quinn finally managed to wrap her arms around Rachel. "We are more then friends, Rachel. Ever so much more."

"We are house mates, Quinn." Rachel said looking up, then lowering her eyes quickly. "Soon you'll be married – then you and Beth will move into your proper and real home."

"I'm in love with my best friend." Quinn broke in. "She's all I want and more."

"I'm happy for you." Rachel backed away trying to free herself from Quinn's hands. "I'm in my proper and real home." She heard Quinn say in the mad rush of noise that had been feeling her head for the past few minutes. Her eyes slammed up quickly, "Oh I see. I'll be out of the house in the morning. Only, only promise that I get to spend some time with Beth. I just can't lose that little girl. I just can't." Her head bowed as she felt the tears roll freely down her cheeks. "But, I'll understand if you don't want or need me around any longer." She whispered the last.

Quinn pulled Rachel tightly against her. "You are my best friend." She whispered in the short Diva's ear. Rachel stiffened in her arms.

"You are just saying that, Quinn. Those are just words. Words that don't mean anything." Rachel tried desperately to gather her thoughts and her feelings together. But at those words she completely broke down. She rested her head against Quinn's heart and cried heartbreaking sobs.

Quinn just held Rachel tightly against her. She allowed the smaller girl to sob the pent up emotions that had been years, simply a lifetime in waiting. She made shushing noises into Rachel's brunette hair, and humming Beth's favorite lull bye. She was honestly quite shocked at how quietly Rachel was having her breakdown. Not a sole would have been able to hear her if they were out, and about this time of the night.

After what felt like a lifetime had passed, Quinn gently pried Rachel off of her chest. She wanted to look into the chocolate brown eyes as she spoke the truth. "You are my best friend, Rachel Berry. You are the love of my life. You are the my other and better half. I'm not even alive without you in my life. I thank God every day that he deemed me worthy to have you in my life."

"Rachel Barbara Berry will you do the honor of becoming my wife?" Quinn gently wiped the tear that was falling down her right cheek.

"Y-y-you don't have to do this, Quinn. You don't have to destroy not only your; but Beth's life being tied down the loser that is me. I won't allow it. I won't have it." Rachel chocked on the sobs that were trying to come out. "I'm quitting Broadway and moving somewhere that I won't hurt you or your daughter ever again, Quinn. I'll be safely out of your life by tomorrow I promise."

Quinn's grip on Rachel's arms tightened. She wasn't going to allow the shorter girl to remove herself from her. Not this time. Because in the state that Rachel was in – Quinn knew that if Rachel succeeded in running away; then Quinn would have lost her for good. Quinn Fabray wasn't going to allow that too happen. Not ever.

"You aren't going anywhere, baby. I won't allow it." Quinn sneered. "You belong here by my side. By Beth's side. Forever and ever. I'm not going to stand here and allow you to just walk away from everything we had built. I'm simply not going to allow you to wallow back into that place that I originally had put you in. Do you understand me Rachel!"

Rachel was so shocked, all she could do was silently nod her head. Her thoughts were running like a crazy kaleidoscope throughout her head. Quinn's words were swimming around in there also … fighting to win the battle against all the negativity that was swimming in what was Rachel Barbara Berry's head and soul. But all the years of simple and nothing but abuse was winning out once more.

END OF PRELUDE


	2. HOLD OUT YOUR HAND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: NickleBack

LIMA, OHIO 2010

MCKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR ROOM

Finn walked into the empty choir room to get his books that he had left behind. He was berating himself for leaving behind his French book – he had an important test to cram for for the following day. But he couldn't really blame himself for his forgetfulness. After all his eyes had been clued to where Rachel had been sitting with Jesse's arm across her shoulder. After watching Rachel's video the other day he knew that the pansy drama Queen was upset with her over it.

Finn wasn't too pleased with her himself. Not because she showed him in such a bad light. But that she showed herself in such a bad light. He just couldn't understand her reasoning for this video. What the hell was she thinking of portrayed herself as a slut. That wasn't the Rachel Berry that he knew and had grown to care so deeply about. He had watched as Jesse had stiffened up during his and Rachel's scenes – and he had to hide the smirk from his lips. He knew that Jesse would finally show his true colors towards Rachel soon, and then Rachel would drop his sorry ass.

He looked sideways when Rachel and Puck's scenes lit up – he saw the dumb shock on Puck's face as his eyes were glued on the scene in front of him. Finn knew that Noah Puckerman wasn't pleased either with the video. Not the fact that Rachel was showing him in a bad light also – but that she did what she did to herself. His jaw tightened as he thought about when Noah and Rachel had dated for a week – back when he had still been with Quinn – believing that the baby Quinn was carrying was in fact his – and not his former best friend's, Noah Puckerman's. He knew that Rachel and Puck had grown close during that week. He had to fight down the raw jealously and fight to look back at Rachel and Jesse.

He had to tell himself that Puck was on his side concerning Jesse St. James. That when the time came to protect Rachel from Jesse – Noah would be right by his side. He watched as Jesse's neck muscles had bulged out even more when his own scenes with Rachel came on. Finn watched as Jesse stood to his feet stiffly once the lights turned back on and left the room. Rachel had gotten to her feet and turned around to look at him – well not just him, but the rest of the Gleeks.

"Way to go RuPaul." Santana snorted threw her nose.

"Shut up, Santana." Quinn growled low in her voice.

"That's not really nice, Santana." Brittany shook her head.

Finn couldn't help but say, "Rachel what you did was wrong here. Puck and I never gave you permission to make this – this video." He waved his right hand at the DVD player. "You should have been more upfront with us."

Rachel's face paled. "I-I wasn't thinking. I just wanted too ..."

"You just wanted to prove yourself to be the wannabe star that sadly you are not!" Kurt waved his right hand and rolled his eyes. "I give your sad attempt to being a whore that everyone wants an low F minus." He snared.

Quinn jumped up and was in his face before you could form an 'O'. Her right hand gripped his shirt front as she dragged him out of the seat. "Don't you ever call Rachel a whore ever again." She hissed in his face.

Kurt's swallowed hard and silently nodded.

"Apologize now." She breathed.

"He doesn't have to apologize to me, Quinn. He just spoke the truth." Rachel said in an understated tone. She turned and walked from the room with her head down.

Finn had watched as Quinn jerked Kurt away from her before turning to give the death glare to everyone in the room – including Mr. Schue and Brad. His mind drifted to today's meeting. Jesse had his arm across Rachel's shoulders the entire hour and half. Even through Jesse seemed to have forgiven Rachel – Finn could tell that St. James was seething on the inside. He just prayed that Jesse wouldn't physically or mentally harm Rachel.

He turned around to head back out of the room – when something caught his eye. He turned his head and his heart stopped. Rachel was in the far corner of the room against the wall – with her arms tightly around her knees as she was rocking side to side. "Rachel?" He softly asked so not to frighten the girl.

Rachel just remained slight. She kept the same pace and her eyes were still glued on the floor. It was as if she hadn't heard him. He walked over and knelt in front of her. "Rachel?" He said again as he reached out with his right hand to touch her. She stiffened and gave a raw gutter moan. He removed his hand quickly. "Oh shit." he breathed. "Listen Rachel, I'm going to get help okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'm going to get help." He quickly backed up as he got to his feet.

Finn turned and ran from the choir room to find the one person whom Rachel trusted. Besides her fathers that was. He ran searching for the one person in school whom could get Rachel out of this place that she currently was.

He went to find Quinn. He just prayed that she hadn't left the school yet.

Finn almost wept in relief when he spotted Quinn at Rachel's locker. "Quinn!" He shouted as he rushed towards his former girlfriend.

Quinn turned as if in slow motion. Her eyes widen and her books feel to the ground at her feet. Her hands went protectively around her womb. He stopped dead in his tracks, "Quinn, it's Rachel. She's in the choir room and she needs you." He breathed.

That was all it took for Quinn to push Finn away from her and rush towards the choir room. She stopped dead in her tracks at the opened door to the empty room. Her senses told her right where the small Diva was at. The sight before her broke her heart.

Rachel had managed to crawl into a fetal position with her head against the dirty tile that was the classroom floor. Her thin arms wrapped tightly around her knees as they were hugging her chest. Her head was bowed into her chest. Soft heartbreaking sobs was coming from her.

Quinn never recalled how she was suddenly sitting in front of Rachel with her hand on her waist – when the last spot she knew she was previously in was standing in the door way. But, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was by Rachel's side and the only place she ever wanted too be. "Talk to me Rachel." She whispered.

Rachel just squeezed her eyes tighter. Her body stiffened at Quinn's touch. She felt herself being lifted and her face was in something firm but soft. A lot better feeling than the cold floor. Her body began to shake as she felt her arms move around the slightly protruded waist. She wanted to crawl closer to this being that was her life line. She wanted to actually crawl inside, and become one with this essence that truly had always protected her in life. Even though the being that was the capsule of the essence never knew it until just a few short weeks previous.

Quinn simply held tightly onto Rachel as she cried the needed tears for a few moments. When Rachel finally calmed herself to just whimper, she bent her head and gently kissed the side of Rachel's head. Just above her right eye.

"He dumped me, Quinn. He said I wasn't worthy of his time any longer. That he couldn't be known as the guy whom willing dated trash." Rachel spoke in a quite monotone. "I don't blame him. Jesse is meant for bigger and better things …. and I can't hold him back."

Quinn's hand stilled on Rachel's hip. "I'm going to kill him." She seethed. "He has no right to treat you like this."

Rachel lifted her head from Quinn's lap and moved away. Her right eye brow rose, "He just treats me the way that everyone always had." She said truthfully. "I knew he was just acting before when he claimed that he liked me – t-that he loved me. I knew he was just acting with all the caring, and nice way he treated me. He always treated me with kid gloves." She chocked on her laughter, "Even when I explained to him that I couldn't lose my virginity to him – he was so sweet and understanding. I knew it was all an act."

Quinn blinked back the tears. "So I am taking that you think I'm putting on an act also." Her fingers fidgeted in her lap. "After all I'm not being a nasty bitch towards you any longer."

"The nasty bitch was your act, Quinn. You are finally offering your real self to me." Rachel reached out and touched the top part of Quinn's hands. "No matter if you decide to go back to the familiar nasty bitch act after your baby girl is born – I will always be patiently waiting for you to come back too me. Even if I have to wait till the end of time."

"I'm never going back into that place Rachel. I won't ever go back to it. I'm not going to accept my parents forgiveness once Beth is born – and with her new parents." Quinn breathed deeply. "I'm done hiding the real me."

"You don't have to give Beth away, Quinn." Rachel said.

Quinn glared at her. "This isn't the time to discuss Beth, Rachel. You had been hurt by some scum that so isn't worthy of your time or energy."

"I wasn't hurt by Jesse." Rachel lowered her eyes once more.

"Liar." Quinn shot back.

Rachel's eyes lifted, "I feel dirty. I want to go home, and just take a long shower. I can't believe I was lying on this dirty floor. Only knows what is on it. I think I could honestly get some STD for lying on it." She stood too her feet, and crashed back down. She couldn't help but cry in pain when her knees slammed back onto the tile.

"Rachel!" Quinn cried in panic. Scooting forward, and putting her arms around Rachel's back tightly. Pulling the shorter girl back into her chest. She just held the broken girl as she fought to regain control of herself.

NEW YORK 2015

"Where did you just go?" Quinn asked looking into Rachel's face.

"No where." Rachel replied in a far off voice.

"What year is it?" Quinn asked in a knowing voice.

"2010." Rachel automatically replied.

"Where are we?" Quinn shot back.

"Choir room. It's empty. We are on the floor and you are holding me." Rachel replied in a dazed voice.

"Whom has broken you?" Quinn asked in a hard voice. Her fists were clenched at her sides.

"Jesse. Jesse hurt me. He dropped me after my video of him, Noah, Finn and myself. I was trying to play the worldly slut." Rachel sighed. "It didn't go off the way I planned. I just succeeded in embarrassing Finn and Noah. I hurt Jesse's pride, and he finally had enough of going through with his 'act' of being nice to me. He finally dropped me like the piece of shit that I was – that I am." Tears were rolling freely down Rachel's cheeks.

"I'm going to kill him." Quinn hissed.

"You found me curled up on the STD dirty tile floor." Rachel smiled. "I was in a fetal position – I was feeling that if I just curled myself up like I was still in the womb – then my mommy would come back for me. Come back for the baby that she had given away the moment that I was ripped from her body." Sobs came out as she laughed. "My mommy didn't come that day." Her eyes finally met Quinn's hazel eyes, "But you came."

"Yes." Quinn nodded.

"You shouldn't have come." Rachel simply stated. "You should have just walked away, and allowed me to die on that floor. All I wanted to do was die, Quinn. You should have just allowed me to die. Why didn't you just allowed me to die!" She hissed the last.

"Hold out your hand." Quinn said in a softly said.

Rachel remained still where she was kneeling. Her back was against the wall. Her legs were crossed.

"Hold out your hand!" Quinn roughly said. "Stop being so fucking stubborn Rachel Berry. Just hold out your fucking hand, NOW!"

Slowly Rachel's hand out stretched from her body. Her eyes still glued to the floor. She felt a firm hand slam into her own. Tears fell from her eyes as she felt herself being lifted from the floor. She silently allowed Quinn to lead her out of the choir room.

"Hold out your hand." Quinn whispered.

Rachel shook her head and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. "I don't need you to lead me anywhere tonight."

"Hold out your hand." Quinn sighed.

"I'm not that sixteen year old girl whom thought her world ended all because her boyfriend dropped her like last weeks garbage." Rachel snorted.

"No, but you are the twenty two year old woman whom refuses to believe the truth that is staring her in the face." Quinn shot right back. "I love you."

Rachel shook her head, "I'm not worthy of your love. I will just destroy your life."

"Hold out your fucking hand Rachel Berry. NOW!" Quinn seethed. Her hand thrust forward waiting for Rachel's hand to meet hers.

But this time, Rachel refused to hold out her hand.

Tears fell freely down both young women' cheeks.

END CHAPTER ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't guessed yet: every chapter will be named after a song title. Now I have a fun project for you all. I would like you to request song titles (and the artist versions that you think is the best) – if I feel the song fits with the way the story is going – then I'll use it.


	3. YOU STAY WITH ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Faith Hill

LIMA, OHIO 2010 - EARLY WINTER

"I simply can't stay at Puck's any longer. He's driving me insane." Quinn sighed more to herself than anyone around her. Matter of fact she forgot that she wasn't alone at the library table. She forgot that she was studying with Mercedes and Rachel. "He's harping non stop about keeping Beth. I simply can't allow the poor boy to get his hopes up on being daddy to her." Tears sparkled in her eyes, "It's not fair to him."

"I have talked to my folks. With my brother off at college – his room is just lying in waste. Collecting dust." Mercedes said. "If you don't mind a boy's deco – then the room is yours for as long as you need it."

Quinn came out of herself in shock. She eyed Mercedes in dumb shock. "I wasn't complaining to hint around for another place to stay. I'm just fine at Puck's; after all he's the father of Beth. It's proper that I stay with him."

"In his basement." Mercedes snorted. "You need a proper place to place your head, Quinn. Don't just think of yourself – think of your daughter!"

"Puck's mother would never allow her grandchild to be in danger. She wouldn't have offered the basement if it wasn't safe." Quinn said her voice steel. Her hands were gripping her English book tightly. "Forget what I said. I'm just fine where I am."

"Stay with me." Rachel said quietly.

Quinn's head slowly turned to the right – where Rachel was sitting beside her with her head lowered. Her mouth formed into fish lips repeatedly. She tried to speak; but she quite lost her voice. She was shocked to the core at what Rachel was offering.

"I'm not going to offer up my basement to you, Quinn. Although my fathers and I had made sure that there is no mold or unsafe things down there. It is actually hyper genetically cleaned on a weekly bases. Granted there are two guest bedrooms located down there – and a nice common space. But it's highly unfit for an expected mother." Rachel kept her eyes glued onto her text book. "What I'm offering is one of the guest bedrooms located on the second floor of my house – or if you want we have a spacious attic that we turned into a bedroom. I actually love it up there myself. It's so peaceful and serene."

Quinn's hand reached over, and touched Rachel's slightly shaking right one. "Perhaps going up to the attic isn't the safest for you right now. I was stupid for suggesting it."

"You aren't stupid." Quinn softly said.

Rachel turned and met Quinn's hazel eyes. "Stupid me offered you the top most of my house. I offered you to be apart from my fathers, and I by one floor. The floor that is muffled by a door way. If you suddenly needed help – it would take my fathers, and I valuable time to get to you. Depending on where we are in the house."

Quinn's free hand lifted to lightly trace Rachel's cheek bone. "Rachel -"

Rachel lowered her eyes once more, "It was stupid of me to offer. S-stay with Mercedes. You'll be much safer with the Jones."

"Hey baby mama, my mom wanted me to make sure you got home all right." Puck said rushing up to the table. "Meaning it's time to get out of this hell hole that we fondly call school."

Quinn didn't remove her hands from Rachel's body. "Your home isn't mine, Puck. Please tell your mother thank you for a place to stay. But, I won't be putting her out any longer."

Puck frowned darkly, "What you are going back to Finn's. I don't think so. You are my baby mama not his. Finn isn't going to be allowed to make your or our daughter's life miserable any longer."

"Like Finn would ever offer Quinn an hand now that he knows that Beth isn't his." Mercedes snorted. "I have offered my brother's room to Quinn. She'll be staying with me."

"Oh." Puck said with relief.

"Tell your mother, that I'll personally thank her for allowing me to stay with you guys. But, in the meantime – can I ask you and Mercedes to pack my things. Take them to Rachel's. We'll meet you there later." Quinn said never taking her eyes off of Rachel's still body.

"Wait, wait. My baby mama is going to be living 24/7 with my favorite Jew?" Puck looked up at the ceiling – then down at the ground. "Hate to have to ask this. But, did Hell freeze over? Did pigs fly? Did the Jewish race start to eat pork?"

Mercedes stood up, and pushed Puck's right shoulder, "Come on fellow. Let's do Quinn's bidding." She leaned in closer, "Leave these two alone. Quinn needs to convince Rachel that this is the right thing to do."

Puck finally looked at Rachel and saw that she wasn't all right. "Quinn." He said in a soft warning voice.

Quinn didn't acknowledge him. "Rachel, talk to me." Her hand gently retraced the skin that it previously had ran across.

Puck knew then that he was wrong in his conclusion. "All right, your things will be at Rachel's by the time you get there, my baby mama." He walked away with Mercedes telling him everything that had happened in the past ten minutes.

Quinn moved her head so it was resting against the shorter girl's shoulder. "Why are you being so damn stubborn, Rachel? Here you went off and invited me to live with you – then you take it back all in the next breath. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you."

"You would be much happier at Mercedes." Rachel breathed. "You wouldn't have shit thrown at your face once the others find out where you are staying. They may question your reasoning … but they will just nod in understanding, and realize that Mercedes is the proper place for you during the last stages of your pregnancy. I mean Mrs. Jones is a nurse after all."

"Your fathers are both doctors." Quinn pointed out. "I would be in much better hands at your house. Guess it's time to tell you that your father, Kristopher, is my doctor. When the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant; I knew that I had to find someone whom I trusted to take care of my baby from the get go. I was leaning against the wall in numbness – when my eyes gazed the names on the black plank across from me. Your last name was suddenly the only thing that I could see in the sudden blackness. I knew it was God's sign that you somehow had to be part of my pregnancy."

"So dad knows everything that you willing put me through. Through your own lips is that it? He should have told me that he spoke to you. I didn't need to know that he became your doctor. That is between you and him. But, I have the right to know that my father found out about your treatment against me by your own lips." Her jaw tightened. "After all he he and daddy all ready know everything that you and everyone else has put me through – because I fucking told them."

"I asked him not to tell you." Quinn's hand had left Rachel's face as the brunette was speaking. It now was resting on the slim stomach. "I didn't want to give you false hope. I didn't know if I could get enough courage to truly change from my bitchiness, and finally prove to you that I truly want you as my friend. That I truly wanted you imprinted in my soul."

Rachel stiffened up even more. "Stop Quinn." She whispered. "Just stop."

"I can't." Quinn whispered her mouth just an inch from Rachel's ear. "I won't."

If someone had come by and wanted to paint the two girls – they wouldn't had to have worried about any movement. Rachel and Quinn would have made the perfect still life painting. Rachel sitting straight and tall with her head lowered, and her hands gripping her English text book in a death hold – and Quinn with her head on Rachel's shoulder, her face against the brunette's neck. Her left arm beneath the table; holding onto the brunette's stomach. Her right arm on the table with the palm of her hand covering Rachel's left hand.

"You-stay-with-me." Rachel said between her teeth after she had turned her face to look deep into Quinn's soul. "I'm happy that you and Beth are in good hands."

"Rachel, I'm sorry." Quinn said.

"There is no need for you to apologize too me, Quinn Fabray. Ever," Rachel gently pushed Quinn away from her. "Let's go home." Stranding up and holding out her hand for the blond haired hazel eyed teen before her.

Quinn reached out, and intertwined her fingers with the short brunette diva; with the chocolate eyes that she simply got lost in.

NEW YORK, 2015

"You offering your home to me was the saving Grace of my life." Quinn softly said as she stared into the warmth but tear filled chocolate eyes before her. "If you hadn't and I went to live with Mercedes then my life wouldn't be what it is now."

"You would be in a much better place now. Beth would have everything she ever wanted." Rachel whispered. "I wish I had a time machine – then I would have gone back in time, and saved you from making the most horrible decision of your life."

"If I went to live with the Jones – then I would have allowed Shelby to adopt Beth." Quinn truthfully stated. "I was close to letting her have Beth – I was so set in that decision – up to the point of watching you holding her for the first time. I knew then that I couldn't take Beth from you."

"I would have gone to Shelby's to be with Beth." Rachel shrugged.

"You would have left your fathers behind to be able to protect my little girl. You knew that if I had succeeded in my plan on getting Beth adopted – that I never planned on visiting my baby girl again. Even through I opted for an open adoption." Quinn knowing nodded her head. "You would have gone to live with your birth mother – even through to you at the time believed she didn't want you. You would have willing watched your birth mother bond with a baby that wasn't born of her body – instead of truly bonding with you."

"I would have wanted to know absolutely sure if Shelby was loving Beth truly. She honestly didn't seem fit to handle a new born." Shaking her shoulders, "After all she freely gave me up at birth." Tilting her head, "You know about the contact that she willing signed before she even became pregnant right?"

"You not only protected Beth that day that you offered your home to me – but you saved my life." Quinn breathed. "If I had been successful on giving Beth up – I would have eventually killed myself. Out of sheer guilt on what I did to my baby girl." She took a step forward. "Let me return the favor, Rachel."

"You don't have too. I didn't do what I did for you to owe me one." Rachel shook her head.

END CHAPTER TWO


	4. WASTED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: "L.P."
> 
> Album: "Suburban Sprawl & Alcohol"

LIMA, OHIO FALL 2010

PUCK'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

It was the annual back to school party at Pucks. Rachel was actually invited too attend for the first time in her life. She had been nervous on attending. Not that it was her first party ever – no her first party ever was when she was six years old – and she had invited Quinn, Brittany and Santana over for a slumber party. None of the girls came. Rachel had sat eagerly on the couch, or by the front door most of the night – telling her fathers that her friends would show up; that they were just late was all. She had finally fallen asleep with her head against the door around eleven that night.

The following day at the park – Quinn made sure to taunt her that the girls had never intended on going. That they had slept over at Santana's laughing their heads off at the thought of Rachel eagerly waiting for them all night long. Rachel had swallowed many tears before she allowed her mouth to form a smile. It wasn't her 100 watt smile that she had perfected by the time she turned seven (no this smile was the beginning of that famous Rachel Berry smile). She had informed Quinn that she fully didn't expect the girls to show up – that after seeing that the girls were an hour late; she played board games with her fathers – and then went to bed.

Quinn knew that Rachel was lying. She could tell by the shorter and younger girls eyes. Rachel at six couldn't lie well. Quinn felt even worse then the previous night at Santana's – she wished she gather the short girl into her arms and never let go. She wanted to promise the world to the brunette in front of her – as she was fighting to build a wall around her heart and soul. One that Quinn had personally built up when she was two and knew that was expected by her parents. But, Quinn just jammed cement over the bricks that day, and turned her back on the struggling brunette, and walked away.

Quinn had chosen the shorter straw. But, she knew that Santana had cheated. There was no way she was going to allow Brittany to be the one to hurt Rachel. Santana was evil even at six years old – but she wanted Quinn to prove that she could be a hardhearted bitch – even at six. Quinn had closed her heart and soul off from Santana the moment she walked away from Rachel that day.

It would take another ten years before Quinn managed to close her heart, and soul from her parents – and their teachings. Quinn shook her head to clear her thoughts of the past. Her arm moved to touch Rachel's slim one next to her. She knew that this party wasn't Rachel's first party with her fellow students – that was last year when Glee finally had the twelve they needed to compete in competitions. But, this was the first party that Rachel had willing partaken in drinking.

Even if Beth wasn't still breast feeding – Quinn had sworn off all alcohol beverages whenever she was around Noah Puckerman. The risk was just too high. She was much, much too young to be raising more than one child. She wanted to enjoy Beth as long as she could – before she decided to add on to her family.

Rachel was sipping a beer that Artie had given her a half hour ago. "So how is the taste?" Quinn tilted her head to the right.

"It's disgusting." Rachel replied as she frowned at the Budweiser bottle.

"Then don't drink it." Quinn shrugged.

"I just can not finish it. After all someone had paid money for this. It would be quite rude to leave it full in it." Rachel frowned. She took another timid sip. Her face squashed up in pure disgust.

"Chug it." Santana said leaning against the sofa. "I mean the faster you drink it down – the sooner you won't be stressing over wasting someone else's money." She grinned, "Chug it."

"Santana!" Quinn growled looking up into the Latina's eyes.

The Latina smirked. "Man Hands won't have the guts too."

"Stop calling Rachel that. Her name is Rachel. R-a-c-h-e-l." Heat filled Quinn's face and body.

"It's quite all right Quinn." Rachel said calmly. She smiled up at Santana, "Thank you Santana. I know that you only suggested that I 'chug' this beer to see me make a fool of myself. But, I see the wisdom of your suggestion – so I'll play along, and chug this disgusting thing. The sooner it's gone – the sooner I don't have to ponder how I'm going to finish it within this evening activates – after all I'm sure that it would taste even more disgusting when it's been set out in room temperature by the end of the evening."

"Just chug it all ready Berry." Santana rolled her eyes. "Shit you are the only person I know, whom has to have a long monolog before she would chug a fucking beer."

Rachel rose the bottle to her lips, and took a deep breath. Opening her mouth she tipped the bottle back. She almost chocked as the awful liquid flowed down her taste buds, and down her pipes. Lucky for her every single drop went down the right tube. It would be embarrassing if she spat out the beer onto the poor soul whom was in front of her. Oh God, what if Quinn was in her line of sight during that time. Like she said, she thanked whatever God out there that liquid went down the right pipes. Even through it was rushing down it like a damn waterfall. She barely had enough time to use her throat to use itself to make swallowing motions to help the flow down.

Lowering the bottle finally she opened her eyes. Licking her lips she grinned. "I had never chugged anything before in my life. I'm happy that I didn't make a fool out of myself by dripping any of the liquid out of my mouth."

Santana slapped Rachel's back, "Not bad, Berry. I honesty didn't think you would do it."

Rachel stood to her feet, "I never back away from a challenge." She breathed. "I'm thirsty." She walked away from the couch.

"Berry drunk. This will be fun." Santana grinned looking down into Quinn's hazel eyes. "Let's see what we can make man hands do when she's drunk."

Quinn suddenly gripped Santana's bare right shoulder. "Don't you dare harm her, S. If you do then your life will officially be over."

Santana glared into Quinn's eyes. Sighing, "Q. I would never internally harm my worst enemy. Seeing how Berry is pretty much just lower than that – I wouldn't want any harm to come too her. Let her act like a typical teenager for the first time in her fucking life."

Quinn sighed and stood up. "I best go find Rachel." She had lost track of the small Diva. After all the crush of the teenagers that were in the living room were mostly taller then Rachel. Hell everyone eleven was taller than Rachel Berry – all expect for the honest to God Dwarfs of the world. But truly there were no Dwarfs living in Lima, Ohio. So anyone Rachel's height was small.

Quinn truly couldn't understand why Rachel was the size she was. Granted Rachel's biological father, Giovanni was short and all – but he was a good six inches taller than his daughter. Rachel's biological mother, Shelby, was a tall goddess.

It took several minutes to locate the short brunette Diva over near the wall. She was drinking deeply from a red plastic cup. Sighing she made her way to stand in front of Rachel, "What are you drinking now?"

"It's not the disgusting beer. Never again, Quinn, never again." Rachel said. "I'm actually drinking punch. It's spiked with vodka. This is actually my second cup." She smiled widely. Leaning forward, "I'm beginning to feel the effects." She said in a whisper – but a medium amount of alcohol mixed in never allows the human to use a soft whisper. So Rachel's 'whisper' was pretty much like a medium sound yell.

"I think you had enough." Quinn said taking the cup from Rachel's hand. "Enough Rach." She said meaningfully.

Rachel shook her head. "This is a party, Quinn, loosen up. Be a teenager for crying out loud." She began to move her body to the music, "Oh my God, I simply love this song." She grabbed a hand to the right of her, "Come on Matt, let's tear this place apart."

Matt allowed the short Diva to lead him to the dance floor.

"She seems to be having fun." Puck said leaning against the wall next to Quinn. "About freaking time I say."

"I don't like it." Quinn said in a hard voice.

"You don't want Rachel to have a good time?" Puck looked quizzing at the side of Quinn's face.

Quinn sighed never taking her eyes off of Rachel, whom was currently on her fifth dance with Matt. "I want Rachel to have a good time – I just don't want her drinking is all. Drinking never leads to anything good."

"Expect Beth." Puck said in a low voice.

"Expect Beth." Quinn agreed in a soft voice. "Expect; I wish she came at a later date in my life." She sighed, and leaned her head against Puck's shoulder. "I just don't want my drunken mistake to happen to Rachel. Rachel has her dreams to full fill after all. She can't make any mistakes that will possible get her permanently tied down to this hell that we call a fucking small town of U.S.A."

Puck sighed deeply, "Rachel will get out of this fucking hell hole. She'll make her dreams come true. She'll make Lima proud of her." Leaning his head against his girlfriend's, "You and Beth are going to go with her when she leaves." He didn't even leave it off as a question – he knew the truth. From the moment that Beth had been born; he knew that his time with Quinn was going to be short.

Quinn stiffened up. The next feeling Puck felt was the slam of her head as she shot up and away from him. He watched as she pushed through the bodies to the center of the floor. He needed another drink. Perhaps four would help dull the ache in his soul.

"Have you seen Rachel?" Quinn pulled Santana and Brittany apart. It had been two hours since her little moment with Puck against the wall. It had been two freaking hours since the last time she had a line of sight on Rachel. She gripped Brittany's upper arm more tightly as Brittany made a move back towards Santana.

"Let Brittany go, Quinn." Santana said with a deadly look in her brown eyes. "Now."

"It's okay, S. Q. is just worried about Rachel." Brittany said in a calm voice. She raised her hand and gently stroked Quinn's hair away from her face.

"It doesn't matter. You shouldn't be treated like this, Brittany. Even by Quinn." Santana growled. Her fists clenched at her side.

"Have you seen Rachel?" Quinn demanded back. She didn't even realize that her hand tightened even more on Brittany's arm.

"The last time we saw her, she was heading upstairs with Finn." Brittany said stroking Quinn's face once more. "She was leaning against him and had this look on her face. I think they are trying to find a empty spot to be alone."

"How long ago!" Quinn demanded turning to face Brittany with wide eyes.

"Just a little over ten minutes ago." Brittany smiled. "Don't worry, Q. Rachel just wants to be with her boyfriend alone is all. She's been after him for a little over a year now after all."

"N-n-no, I can't let this happen." Quinn pushed Brittany away from her and rushed passed the ditzy blond.

"Quinn get back here now!" Santana shouted after her back.

"It's all right, Santana. Quinn is just running to Rachel's rescue is all." Brittany said holding onto the Latina's waist to hold her in place.

The next thing Quinn was aware of was being on the second floor of the Pukermans house and pushing past the drunk couples trying to get to Puck's bedroom. She slammed into the closed door managing to slam it hard against the wall. "Get off of her now!" She seethed.

Rachel was underneath Finn. She gripped her hands tighter into his bare skin. Her chest was heaving up and down rapidly. "Q-q-q-uinn, did you come to join us?" She found this funny as she uplifted her face and laughed uproarious.

Finn laughed along side his girlfriend. His fingers still massaging her left breast, his finger pinching her harden nipple. He loved how it harden even more. He lowered his head and licked her nipple. He heard her moan low and loved how it vibrated into his mouth. He felt himself come a little bit more. He just had too hold out just a little bit longer – then he could come deep into this waiting body beneath him.

He suddenly felt a set of freezing cold hands on him – and he was being yanked away from this waiting body underneath him. He felt Rachel's finger nails dig deeper into his shoulders as she fought him from being pulled away from her. "Get your hands off of me Quinn." He growled looking over his shoulders into the angry eyes of his former girlfriend. "I don't want you, you slut, I'm with Rachel now!"

"How dare you take advantage of her, Finn Hudson. She's drunk. She doesn't know what she's fucking doing." Quinn shouted in his ear as she tried to pull him away from Rachel. "You know that this is her first time. Don't allow her to lose her virginity while she's drunk."

"It's her decision." Finn snared as he jerked his back to the right trying to push Quinn off of him.

"Quinn leave Finn alone." Rachel pushed herself up. She wrapped her arms around Finn's chest, pulling him closer to her. Resting her head against his beating heart, she stared bleary into Quinn's eyes. "So I lose my virginity while I'm drunk. Big whoopee do. A lot of people do it – you did. Finn did."

Finn stilled at those words. He suddenly became stone cold sober.

"After all he fucked Santana last year." Rachel slurred.

Finn looked down into her half closed eyes. "Rach, I'm ..."

"It's quite all right Finn. I'm all right that you lied to me about still being a virgin. That you lied to me that you wanted me to be that special person that you gave yourself too for the very first time." Rachel's finger lightly traced his jaw line, "I very well know that I'm a loser. That I have always been a loser. That I will always be a loser. I never expected you or hell anyone to save themselves for me. So I wasn't even surprised when I learned about you shagging Santana." She laughed gently as she tried to keep her eyes open. "Funny through, I always thought my first time would be more romantic. But, you can't have everything." She moved forward and sucked on his neck.

"Rach -" was all Finn got out before she passed out in his arms. He looked over at Quinn, "Quinn ..."

Quinn gently removed Rachel from his arms, and covered her chest against her own. "Don't. Just don't." She looked down at Rachel's closed eyes. Tears had been fallen from the brunette's eyes as she had been speaking.

"I'll help you get Rachel to your car." Puck said in a soft voice as he yanked Finn from his bed. He handed over Rachel's bra for Quinn to cover Rachel's breasts properly. He handed over Rachel's shirt after Quinn had zapped the bra back in place.

"You have been drinking, Noah. I don't want Rachel hurt." Quinn said with Rachel's head on her lap. "I'm going to call her fathers. One of them will come and pick us up. I don't want her to remain here any longer."

Puck sat down on the bed. "I'm not drunk, Quinn." He brushed aside Rachel's hair from the right side of her face. "I became stone cold sober the moment that I entered the room after you broke my door. Let me help you get Rachel to your car. I don't want Rachel to remain here one second longer than necessary."

"Okay." Quinn whispered. She watched as Puck carefully lifted Rachel in bridal style. Rachel whimpered. "It's okay, Rachel, Noah has you." Rachel moved closer into the firmness of Puck's chest and sighed.

After getting Rachel in the passenger seat, and making sure the belt was locked securely – Puck looked into Quinn's tired and sad hazel eyes. "Everything will be all right, baby mama. Once Rachel becomes sober once more – get her to talk. She'll talk to you."

Quinn breathed in, "She never told me that she found out about Finn and Santana. Usually when Rachel has something on her mind she comes to me. She'll use every known word in the Dictionary before she actually get to tell me what is bothering her. But, this time she hadn't." She looked down at the passed out Rachel, "For a month now there had been the classic signs. I had been patiently waiting and waiting – but nothing. Why did she decide that getting drunk was the way to go with this?"

Puck sighed as he traced Rachel's tight jaw line. "I don't know." He sighed. "Give Beth my love for me. Tell her that I'll see her tomorrow." He stood up and gently closed the door. So not to startle Rachel. He watched as Quinn's car drove down the street. After the car turned left he turned around and stared at Finn whom was standing on his front porch. Jaw clenched he made his way across his grass.

NEW YORK 2015

"Puck and Finn's friendship was never the same after that night." Quinn sighed as finished up with the memory of the first time Rachel had gotten drunk. "Noah is very protective and loyal to you." Holding Rachel's hand in hers, "You are cold. It's time go inside."

Rachel tried to take her hand back. "I'm fine." She said with a glare. Quinn's hand just gripped hers even more tightly. "Let go of my hand."

Quinn rose their hands. She looked at Rachel's hand between her own. Bringing it to her lips, she gently kissed it – never taking her eyes off of Rachel's chocolate brown ones. Blowing on it. "Cold. So very, very cold." She brought it up to rest on her cheek. "I hope my body heat can warm it."

"Why do you do this? Why do you care so much about me?" Rachel whispered. "I don't deserve you. I never deserved you."

"Why did you really get drunk that night?" Quinn asked still with her eyes locked with Rachel's. "Yeah I know you were hurt by Finn's lie to you about the whole being a virgin thing. But Rach, that never made sense to me. Not back then and not every time I think about it. So tell me Rachel, why did you really get drunk that night?"

"I already told you repeatedly why. Finn lied to me too my face, not once, or twice, but several times that he did not sleep with Santana – when I was dating Jesse." Rachel's right eye bow rose. "Noah's back too school party was the perfect time to lose my virginity. I had planned on losing it to Finn Hudson when I decided that he was the one for me back in the beginning of Sophomore year."

"Why didn't you lose your virginity to Finn then? I mean you had plenty of chances too before we graduated." Quinn shot back. "What really stopped you?"

"I knew that Finn wasn't the one whom was worthy of the gift I had too offer." Rachel sighed. "After I sobered up, I knew that I still had romantic feelings for Finn – but I wasn't in love with him. I couldn't be with someone intimately whom I didn't love."

Quinn moved closer. "I haven't been with anyone else since that drunken afternoon at Puck's. I know that I can't give you the gift of my virginity, Rachel. But, I give you the gift of my soul. No one has reached my soul – expect for Beth." Bending her head she ghosted her lips over Rachel's, "I love you. You are my one and only."

Rachel closed her eyes and closed the distance between the two. Her lips met Quinn's. When Quinn's tongue licked her bottom lip she opened her mouth. She softly moaned at the feel of Quinn's tongue gently enter her mouth. She felt her free arm slip around Quinn's back and up to her neck. She felt Quinn move more tighter against her as their kiss deepened.

Quinn keep her right hand in Rachel's which was between their chests. She could feel Rachel's raising heartbeat against her chest. Her own heart leaped in joy as she felt Rachel tighten her hold on her neck. Rachel's tongue had yet to enter her waiting mouth – but she was fine with that. She knew very soon her soul mate's tongue would be exploring her mouth – just as she was exploring hers.

Rachel felt like she was falling – but she wasn't afraid. Because she knew that her soul mate would always catch her. When air became a pressing issue with her she broke away from the essence that was her life line. She felt a warm forehead against hers as she tried desperately to catch her breath. Her eyes remained closed as she simply allowed herself to wrap herself in the essence which was stronger than she was.

Quinn breathed. "I love you."

Rachel stiffened and was brought back down to reality. She pulled away from Quinn with wide eyes. Jerking her hand free from Quinn's. "D-don't say that."

"It's the truth." Quinn smiled. "I love you."

"I never asked you too." Rachel shook her head. Gulping as she tried to catch her breath around the lumps that were coming over each other. "Don't Quinn, please don't." With one last pleading look at Quinn, Rachel turn and fled down the pier towards their home.

Quinn watched stunned after Rachel. "Please God, allow Rachel to be there tomorrow, the next day, and every day after that." She said as tears fell heavily down her cheeks.

END CHAPTER THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if you all didn't know the 'past' is going to be covered in random ways. It helps to set up the 'present' part of the story. Keep sending songs & the artists that best sings them my way.


	5. 21 GUNS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Greenday

LIMA, OHIO 2010 – FALL

"Rachel," Finn licked his lips as he leaned against the wall of the Berry family room. "I have nothing to say to how sorry I am for lying to you." He kept his eyes glued onto her own chocolate brown ones. He wanted to lower them in shame – but he knew that it was too important not to lower them. The only way for her to know that he was telling her the truth was to look her in the eyes. "I should have told you that I slept – okay, that I fucked Santana the moment you asked me."

"Why didn't you?" Quinn growled out from where she was sitting to the left of Rachel.

"You were still so into Jesse – that I just didn't want to -" Finn sighed.

"Stop using that as an fucking excuses, Finn!" Quinn seethed her hands balling into a tighter fists on her lap.

"When you said that you slept with Jesse, you broke my heart. I wanted you to be my first. But, the fact that you hadn't waited for me – I just saw red." Finn shoved his hands more deeper into his jeans. "I was angry. I had a few beers before I ran into Santana. She was willing – and I wanted to pay you back. So when she offered to have me I jumped on the chance. It was over before it even entered my brain what I was doing. It meant nothing."

"Why did you lie?" Rachel finally spoke.

"I was going to brag to you the following day. Then you told me that you never slept with Jesse. I knew then what a horrible, horrible mistake I had made." Finn swallowed the hard lump in his throat. "I knew that if you ever learned that I lost my virginity to Santana that our chances to being together would be over. I knew that you weren't all that serious about Jesse then, and I knew that he would soon tier of the game that he was playing – and that he would drop you."

"Why did you lie?" Rachel asked once more. Her voice was quiet.

"I didn't want to lose the only chance I ever would have with you, Rachel. I've lusted after you since I hit puberty. You are the one that I fantasize when I masturbate." A light brush had come over his cheeks as he was speaking. "I fantasize and masturbate pretty much every single night. You are my ultimate dream girl. I want to be able to bury myself deeply inside you, and hear you scream my name."

Rachel gripped Quinn's forearm as she made to stand up. Forcing the taller blond to plump back onto the cushion. Quinn glared at her, before turning her face to glare hatefully up into Finn's face. "I wanted that too, Finn, even after learning that you in deed fucked Santana Lopez. Hell, I don't even care about that fact. You and I weren't together when that quite frankly disguising, and disturbing act took place. But, how can I freely give myself to you – if you refuse to tell me the truth?" Rachel shook her head, "I'm not asking much here. Just the truth."

"The truth isn't easy to tell – or to handle." Finn said. "Sometimes to spare someone a lot of pain … we fudge the truth. Okay, we out right lie." He said after both girls glared ice at him. "It's human nature, Rachel, to lie. I'm human."

"I can forgive you for sleeping with Santana. We weren't together then. You didn't cheat on me." Rachel sighed, "I just don't know if I can forgive you for lying to me, Finn. I don't know how to get past that."

Finn stood to his full height as he pulled his hands from his jeans pockets. "All I'm asking is that you don't give up on me fully. Let me prove to you that I'm worth the effort to being in your life."

"I am not going to kick you out of my life, Finn. You really haven't done the unforgivable mistake to cause it. But, I just don't know if I can be romantic with you anymore." Rachel sighed as she lowered her head to look at her hands. "I just don't know what place in my life you are opposed to be anymore." She felt a lone tear slip down her cheeks.

"It's time for you to leave." Quinn's voice seemed to be coming from a long distance away. She felt the couch shift – which felt unreal.

"I'm sorry Rachel." Finn softly said as he looked at the bowed head of his former girlfriend.

"Get out." Quinn softly said. "Just get out."

Finn allowed Quinn to push him to the front door. His hand on the door knob, he looked straight into her hazel eyes, "Take care of her."

"I will better than you ever could." Quinn said.

Finn lowered his eyes and quickly left the Berry home.

Quinn sighed and as she closed the door. She made her way back to the living room. She knelt down in front of Rachel. Placing her hands over the tanned still ones.

"You knew this entire time." Rachel said still looking at her hands. Her voice seemed like it was coming from a far distance.

"Yes." Quinn sighed.

"You are a good friend. Too Santana." Rachel sighed.

"Too you. I kept silent for you." Quinn gently said.

Rachel eyes lifted to meet Quinn's hazel ones. "It wasn't your truth to tell."

"I should have told you. Out of my friendship with you." Quinn sighed.

"There was just too much going on then, Quinn. You and I were just getting to be true friends. I would have been crushed if I learned that Finn gave himself … even if I was still committed to Jesse at the time." Tears rolled freely down her cheeks. "I j-just wanted to be like everyone else, Quinn. Last evening at Puck's party; I figured what the hell. It was just sex. Drunken sex or romantic just right sex – it was just two people fucking one another senseless." She let out a mirthless laugh, "You shouldn't have stopped me last night, Q-q-q-quinn. I wanted to be like everyone else. I just wanted to for once be part of the fucking human race."

"By losing your virginity as if it wasn't the most precious gift that you had to give to that one person that truly was worthy of it?" Quinn barked out. "By risking your own personal health?"

"Finn wouldn't have hurt me, Quinn. He of course would take the proper steps to make sure that he wasn't carrying any STDs." Rachel said monotonously.

"He fucked Santana." Quinn laughed harshly. "He's a big droopy guy. He's such a big innocent kid. He wouldn't even fathom of thinking that someone whom he had sexual intercourse with may have something that could be passed on too him. Finn never would have thought of gotten tested … if Puck hadn't dragged his ass down to the clinic ever single week since Finn bragged about fucking Santana."

"So were you concerned about Noah passing a STD your way when sobered up, and realized that you gave yourself to him?" Rachel pulled her hands out from beneath Quinn's.

"I got myself tested for everything single STD for two months." Quinn replied quickly. "I had thought of everything – expect for that remote possibility of actually getting pregnant. I had readied myself for being told that I was HIV + - but I was completely thrown through the loop over being told I was a teenage pregnancy static, My parents would have handled it better if I was dying of AIDS than they are with my pregnancy at age sixteen. After all I would die a lonely, and painful death due to my sin. But a human being growing inside me – no way in hell would they accept that punishment for my sin."

"Your parents are idiots. It's their damn loss for throwing you and Beth away the way they did." Rachel reached over, and trailed her hand lightly down Quinn's jaw line on the right side. "But, at least you aren't alone, Quinn. You have Beth, my dads, Noah, Brittany, Mercedes, the rest of the Gleeks."

Leaning into the touch her eyes fluttered soft. But, Quinn opened her eyes quickly, "You forgot someone important."

"No I didn't. I put Beth first." Rachel traced underneath the blond's chin.

"I'm not talking about Beth." Quinn sighed.

"I included my fathers. I included the Gleeks. There's no one else." Rachel shrugged.

"You." Quinn simply said.

Rachel's hand stilled. "I'm not important."

"You left yourself out on the list of people that make sure that I'm not alone." Quinn sighed. "Too me besides Beth – you are a very important person in my life."

"I never asked to be." Rachel stood abruptly to her feet. "Please don't feel that way about me, Quinn. I never asked for it. I never wanted it." She stood to her feet. "I wish too be alone now, Quinn."

Quinn sighed and simply watched as Rachel walked out of the living room. "What am I going to do with you?" She whispered as she rested her chin on her right hand.

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

"Mommy," six year old Beth said as she rubbed her eyes. She had awaken this morning bent on seeking out answers to her pressing questions. There were just a handful of people that she mostly trusted on giving her the truth. Two of them lived with her.

"Hey there sweetheart." Quinn said with a soft smile at her only daughter. She held out her right hand for her daughter to take.

"Mommy," Beth said once more. "Why is Mama Rachel so sad?" She crawled onto the bed next to her mother. "I don't like it when Mama Rachel is sad – she makes me sad also."

"I know baby girl, I know." Quinn rested her head onto top of her daughter's brunette one on her shoulder. "It makes me sad too when Mama Rachel is sad."

"How do we make her better? I can tell her some of daddy's jokes. She always smiles when he and I tell 'em." Beth sighed. "Do you think daddy's jokes will cheer Mama Rachel up once more."

"No baby, daddy's jokes won't cheer Mama Rachel up." Quinn sighed as she thought of Puck's jokes. She needed to remind him to keep it G rated whenever Beth was within ear shot.

"Do you think Mama Rachel will be happy again with my hugs and kisses?" Beth tilted her head to look up into her mother's hazel eyes.

"I think they help Mama Rachel. But, Mama Rachel is just sad. She's been sad for a very long time, sweetheart. I was one of the major reasons why." Quinn murmured. She forgot her daughter was in her lap. She thought back to her childhood, and how she gleefully took pleasure in bringing Rachel down lower, and lower. Until Sophomore year of high school – until she gotten herself pregnant at sixteen.

"Why don't you kiss and make it better?" Beth sadly smiled. "Like you did last night."

Quinn looked shocked into her daughter's eyes. "Umm, Beth darling, umm what you saw mommy and Mama Rachel do was …."

"What Granddaddy Giovanni, and Granddad Kristopher do. Just instead of two men showing their love it was two women. My two mommies." Beth said with a smile.

"Are you okay that daddy and mommy aren't living together? That instead of having a daddy always around – you have two mommies?" Quinn bit the bullet. She hadn't planned on this subject coming up quite this way. But, it did – and she had too just deal with it.

"Why should daddy live here with us? He's happy where he is." Beth shrugged innocently. "It would be too crowded here if daddy was here all the time. Even through he could have the room across from mine."

"No sweetheart, I meant was would you like daddy to live here, and share the same room as me?" Quinn looked around the master bedroom. "Would you like to come in here and see mommy and daddy in the same bed together?"

Beth looked at the bed then back at her mother. "But, that's where you and Mama Rachel sleep."

"Mama Rachel doesn't sleep here, baby, she has her own room. The room next to yours. You know that." Quinn softly said.

"But, this is still Mama Rachel's bed too." Beth stubbornly said. "Just like back in Lima."

"Mama Rachel hasn't allowed us to share a bed since buying this house." Quinn sadly said, mostly to herself.

"Why is Mama Rachel mad at you?" Beth asked.

Quinn blinked. "I don't have the answer to that baby."

"Then just say you are sorry for whatever you did … then she'll forgive you. Then she'll be back to sharing your bed with you." Beth said in the typical six year old logic.

"It's not that simple, Beth." Quinn sighed. "It's just not that simple."

"Why not? Whenever I fight with someone, you always tell me to say that I'm sorry. That 'I'm sorry' is the best way to making things all better again." Beth pointed out. "Just tell Mama Rachel you are sorry – then she'll be happy again."

"Baby it's going to take more than a 'I'm sorry' to make Mama Rachel happy again." Quinn sighed. "Look, we can't solve this today. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Beth." She looked into her daughter's hazel eyes. "I'm so sorry that I can't magically fix this."

"I never said I wanted magic." Beth said getting down from her mother's lap. "I just want my family back."

Quinn looked her daughter straight in the eyes, "I do too baby, I do too."

END CHAPTER FOUR


	6. MAMA WHO BORE ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Lea Michele

LIMA, OHIO SPRING 2011

'Mama who bore me

Mama who gave me

No way to handle things

Who made me so sad.' - Spring Awakening

PARK

Quinn pushed the stroller down the walkway. She was so happy that the weather was finally back to warmth. It still wasn't warm enough for Beth to go out without a jacket. But, at least her jackets are more in the medium light weight area. Quinn had a major battle with Rachel over this issue – but she was pleased that she had won. She after all was Beth's mother and should have the final say in any matter concerning her daughter.

Quinn loved Rachel for her unconditional and unwavering protectiveness for Beth. Even when Rachel goes way beyond all belief on the simplest of all things concerning raising an baby. Like take the teething ring issue for goodness shake. Rachel just had to do a complete and in depth research into ever single teething ring known to man kind. It had taken months before Rachel narrowed the choices down to three. Even then she highly doubted that those three were truly the safest for Beth to put in her mouth. Quinn was honestly worried that Beth wouldn't get a teething ring for her teething stages. But, when Quinn adjusted to herself of using her own fingers during Beth's teething stage – Rachel had walked in with a bag full of the teething ring that she deemed was the safest.

Lets not go into the diaper issue. Ever.

Quinn smirked down at her eleven month old daughter. "You should feel very lucky that you have a stubborn mommy, baby. If Mama Rachel had her way – then you would have remained inside mommy your entire life. But, I wanted – no, needed to see your precious face to allow that ever happen."

Beth grinned up at her.

"I can't believe you'll be one years old next month." Quinn sighed, "Where has the time gone baby? Soon you'll be walking, talking, running, signing, leaving mommy behind." She felt tears prickle behind her eyes. "Gee-sh, if I continue down this line, I'll be a bubbling idiot in public."

Beth gently cooed.

Quinn laughed gently. "I'm a mother, what can you do?"

"Quinn." A hard voice said behind her.

Quinn stopped dead in her tracks and stiffened up. Slowly twisting her head she found her mother glaring at her. "Hello mom." She said impassively. She reached down with her right hand and touched her daughter. She stared into her mother's eyes, but keeping her own baby girl close to her. She remembered that she was in a public place, and it wasn't safe to keep her eyes off her baby. She deliberately took her eyes from her mother to look down at Beth.

"I can't believe that you are out in public, Quinn. Can't you think of your father and I? Can't you think how this looks bad on us?" Judy sneered at her youngest daughter.

"I'm not going too keep Beth hidden away for eighteen years, mother. It's not healthy to keep a child locked up in doors. She needs the fresh air." Quinn said in a low and hard voice. She felt her daughter stiffen underneath her hand. She glanced at her mother, "In another year, mother, you won't have to worry about running into me and your granddaughter. We are moving too New York after I graduate."

"So you are going to be still living with her." Judy glared daggers into her daughter's hazel eyes.

"Her name is Rachel, mother." Quinn said. "And yes, Beth and I are going to be living with Rachel in New York. She's going to go to Julliard, and I'm going to attend NYU. They both have excellent child care programs."

"I'm pleased that you got into a good college, Quinn. I'm pleased to see that you haven't given up your education." Judy said in stiff tone. "You know that whatever is in your savings is yours. Your father and I haven't added anything to it since you left home last year."

"Since you kicked me out." Quinn snorted.

"I never kicked you out." Judy seethed quickly back.

"You just sat there with your scotch as he kicked me out. You never said or did anything, mother. You allowed him to kick your daughter out of the only home she ever knew." Quinn had to remind herself that Beth was with her – otherwise she would have screamed at her mother. It was difficult enough trying to keep herself calm.

"I knew you would go to the father's home." Judy coughed. "You did end up with him eventually. You should have remained there, Qunnie, you didn't need to go her."

"I went home, mother. Rachel is home." Quinn said in a soft voice.

Judy felt then fire rise even higher than before. She was just about to release it when a small whimper sounded out. She looked down into Beth's hazel eyes as she looked straight at her. "She has your eyes." She softly said as she found her voice once more.

Quinn breathed in relief as she saw that her mother wasn't going to give into the desire to blast her. "Even through we don't agree about my chosen home, mom, I do still want you part of our lives. Beth should know you, her grandmother."

"Your father wouldn't allow it." Judy said never taking her eyes off of her granddaughter. "I can't accept your decision of remaining with her, Quinn. It's a sin against God."

"God is love." Quinn said simply. "He forgave me. Why can't you?"

"I can forgive you for the sin of having per-marital sex. I can forgive you for deciding to keep your daughter at seventeen. But, I can't see forgiving you for the ultimate act of sin." Judy said her eyes had left Beth's, and met Quinn's by the end of her speech.

"I'm not a devil Worshiper mother." Quinn said in a flat tone. "I just found my soul mate is all."

"A woman Quinn, a damn woman. You are a woman yourself – you need to be with a man. Man and Woman go hand and hand. They fit together as perfect halves of the same paper." Judy seethed.

"Look mother, this is going to be a long and drawn out fight for us. I don't want to deal with this today. I just want to spend the day with my daughter in peace." Quinn stood to her feet once more. As soon as Beth had whimpered, she had knelt down to tend to her. "You and I can set up a meeting and have it out. But, I don't want my daughter to be anywhere near us when we lose our tempers."

"Of course not." Judy said stiffly. "I didn't mean to get into it with you. I just wanted to say hello was all."

"You could have fooled me." Quinn sighed.

Judy raised her eyebrow.

"You said 'hello' in a tune that invited an confrontation." Quinn smiled grimly. "Good bye, mother." With that she turned her back on her mom and walked away.

Judy stared after her youngest daughter and her only grandchild. If only I was brave enough. She bowed her head and shook it. Turning she left the area herself.

NOAH'S HOUSE

"Hey there baby girl." Noah bent down and unstrapped his daughter from the confines of the stroller. "Hey baby mama." He glanced up into Quinn's eyes before looking back into his daughter's. Lifting Beth out and into his arms, he stood tall once more. "Daddy missed you. Yes he did." He snuggled his face into her tiny neck.

Quinn smiled as she leaned against the wall. "She missed you too. She was just asking where her daddy was. I knew that you had a free moment so I decided to come here."

"I didn't hear your car." Noah said raising his right eye bow.

"Beth and I are out for a walk. We went to the park and then before heading back home, I decided to come see you." Quinn fidgeted with her hands.

"Where is Rachel?" Noah asked noticing his baby mama's famous 'I'm nervous' maneuver.

"She has voice lessons, then dance lessons. She should just about be starting the dance lesson right now." Quinn frowned down at her hands.

"What to talk about it?" Noah gently asked.

Quinn's head jerked up. "N-no."

Noah walked up and put his left arm around his baby mama's shoulder and gently led her to the couch. Making sure that she was seated before sitting down next to her. He moved Beth so she was sitting on his lap. "I know that I'm not, Rachel, Quinn, but I'm a good listener. You know that I'll always be there for you right?"

Quinn slowly nodded her head. Looking down at her hands on her lap as she played with them. "I ran into my mother in the park two hours ago."

"Oh boy." Noah calmly said. "I take it that it didn't go well."

Quinn snorted. "She was spewing for a fight the moment she opened her mouth and said hello. You should have heard her, Puck. Then she has the nerve to blame me for responding in kind."

Beth reached out and put a tiny hand on her mother's forearm.

"If it wasn't for Beth being there," Quinn turned her head and looked into her daughter's open hazel eyes. "then we would have had a very public screaming match. WWIII, WWIV, WWV, WWVI all rolled up into one."

"That's how I feel whenever I picture my father, and I meeting face to face once more." Noah nodded his head. "My father and I don't have a prayer of making peace on this Earth. But, Quinn, you and your mother have a chance. It may take several years for it too happen – but you still have that chance."

Quinn looked up into his eyes, "Not while Russell is in the picture."

"Judy isn't going to put up with not seeing you or her grandchild for much longer." Noah said in an knowing voice.

"She won't accept my love for Rachel." Quinn lowered her eyes as tears rolled freely down her cheeks.

"Have you informed Rachel that you love her yet? That she's your one and only?" Noah softly asked.

"Rachel's not ready yet." Quinn sighed lowering her head onto his shoulder. She played with Beth's fingers. "I don't want to rush it. If I rush into this then I may lose Rachel for good. That's just not worth the risk."

"What if someone else tells her first?" Noah asked. "I in no way am going to harm you, or Rachel, Quinn. But come on a lot of people know the truth. Someone is bound to tell her. Not to hurt her. But to push her. Unless one of your enemies is out to hurt Rachel that is."

"My father." Quinn seethed through her teeth.

"Don't worry about Russell. He's under control." Noah firmly said. "If he decides to go near you, Beth or Rachel then someone will always buff him away."

"Thank you." Quinn sighed and closed her eyes.

"Anything to protect my family." Noah whispered in her ear.

RACHEL'S HOUSE

"Home sweet home, baby girl." Quinn softly sang as she entered the front door of the Berry home. She wheeled the stroller into the kitchen to began to get her sleepy daughter out of the chair. Running her hands lightly down her precious daughter's right side of the cheek. "I'm surprised you didn't take your nap at daddy's, like mommy did." Smiling as she unbuckled the belt that protected her baby girl. "But, I guess your daddy was having some father – daughter time with you, and you figured it would be rude to be asleep during it."

"Where have you been?" Rachel asked rushing into the room with wide eyes. "I have been frantic, Quinn. I didn't know what had happened too you and Beth. I was just about to report you two missing."

Quinn stood to her feet with Beth against her chest. "We decided that today was too nice of a day to stay inside, Rach. We had a fun morning in the park – then we went to Puck's. I accidentally feel asleep." She felt a faint blush rise on her cheeks. "Aren't you opposed to be at dance class?"

"It got canceled." Rachel waved her hand. "You should have left a note, Quinn. Or text-ed me. Something."

"I'm sorry, Rach. I wasn't thinking." Quinn sighed as she headed towards the staircase that led to the second floor. "I never planned on falling asleep at Puck's. I wanted to give him some daddy and daughter time, before Beth's afternoon nap." She walked into the nursery.

Rachel silently watched as Quinn laid the sleeping Beth on the changing table. She watched as the teenage mother quickly, but very gently changed her slumping daughter. Soon Beth was back in her mother's arms as Quinn walked to the crib. Quinn leaned against the crib's wooden bars just watching her precious daughter sleep.

"I was just so worried about you two." Rachel sighed as she turned and left the room. She walked into her bedroom and sat down in her vanity chair. Turning to her lap top she opened it to start on her homework.

"I never meant to worry you, Rach." Quinn sighed as placed a hand on Rachel's stiff right shoulder. "I honesty thought I would beat you home."

"I pictured you in a dark and small place, you were being beaten. You were dead." Rachel finally let the chocking sobs burst through her throat. She turned and wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist. Burying her head into the tall blond young mother's stomach.

Quinn wrapped her arms even tighter against the shaking Diva's body. She just silently held Rachel tighter to her as her own silent tears fell down her cheeks. She cursed herself for being so thoughtless. She should have text-ed Rachel and let her know that she was going for a walk with Beth. After all she always wanted to know where Beth was. She knew that Rachel considered Beth just as much as her daughter. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'm so, so sorry." She managed to kneel down so she could wrap Rachel into her neck. Holding Rachel's trembling back with one hand, and the back of the brunette's head with her other. She just held the broken Diva tightly against her.

FIFTEEN MINUTES HAVE PASSED

Rachel weakly pulled away. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I shouldn't have behaved in this fashion. I knew you were safe with your daughter. You have every right to step out with your baby and not tell me. I'm just a friend after all. I'm not her father – or her mother. I'm just a friend." She repeated as she pushed herself away from Quinn. She gripped the chair as she pulled herself upward.

Quinn sat up on her knees. She wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist. As her free hand rested on top of the both of Rachel's. "You are more of a friend, Rachel Berry. You are Beth's second mother. Always and forever. Nothing is going to change that." She begged Rachel not to turn away her eyes from her own.

Rachel pulled a hand from underneath Quinn's, and reached over and lightly traced down her cheek bone. "You looked stressed when you first got home. I take it your nap at Noah's wasn't as peaceful as you wanted?"

"Rachel -" Quinn sighed.

"I'm not changing the subject, Quinn, at least not on purpose." Rachel slightly smirked, "Well not entire purposefully. But, I do understand what you said. We just don't need to discuss into detail every single word or feeling what you said." Her head tilted to the right, "What's got you so stressed out?"

"I ran into my mother in the park." Quinn sighed as she frowned. "It didn't go well. She was spewing for a fight – and was insulted that I responded to it. If it wasn't for Beth, then we would still be screaming at one another."

"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered as she brushed Quinn's hair from her eyes. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this with your mother. No child should go through such hell with the woman whom carried, and given birth too."

Quinn lowered her head to rest in Rachel's lap. "I'm over it." She felt Rachel's fingers running through her hair. "I'm ever so tried."

"Beth is taking her nap. It's time for her mommy to take one also. Well okay, another one." Rachel said. She bent down, "You'll be more comfortable in bed." She kissed the top of blond's head. She sat up once more as Quinn lifted her head. Standing, and helping the blond to her feet – she moved over to the bed. Pulling back the covers she watched as Quinn crawled underneath them. She covered the young mother up. She turned to leave, when she felt a hand on her arm. "Lie with me." She nodded and moved to the other side of the bed, climbing beneath the sheets herself. She scooted over so she could spoon Quinn into her chest. Resting her chin against the thin but firm blond's shoulder, just underneath the neck, she closed her eyes.

"I love you." Quinn murmured.

"I love you too." Rachel whispered. That was the last thing she recalled as she felt her tired out body fall into an exhausted sleep.

Quinn turned her face so she look at the sleeping Rachel. "I love you more than an friend, Rachel. I love you beyond all reason. I love you beyond life itself. I have loved you since the beginning of time. I will love you even the Earth cease to exist. My love for you has no bounds, and no limits." Closing her eyes she feel asleep.

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

'Mama, the weeping

Mama, the Angel

No sleep in Heaven

Or Bethlehem' – Spring Awakening

Handing the mug of coffee down at the young blond woman, Shelby couldn't help but be worried on the reason why Quinn was here unannounced. Usually Quinn asked if she could spend time with her. She never just showed up. Sitting on the chair that was close to the couch, but away from where Quinn sat on the said couch. "I don't mean to sound rude, Quinn, but what are you doing here? I mean if something was wrong with Rachel or Beth – you would come right out and tell me. But, seeing how you have waited until I made coffee for us, I know that my girls are safe."

"I told Rachel that I loved her last night." Quinn whispered. She lowered her eyes from the direct chocolate eyes of Shelby Corcoran Schuester.

"I see." Shelby said in a calm voice. "I would say congratulations; but by your eyes I can see my daughter didn't say it back."

"It's not that she didn't say it back. It's just that she's pulling into herself." Quinn lifted her eyes. "She's in a place that I can't reach."

Shelby felt her heart break. For her daughter, for Quinn and for Beth. Closing her eyes, she sought out her daughter. Rachel.

Mama.

Yes darling, it's Mama.

I'm scared. I'm so alone. I'm so cold.

Oh baby.

Why did you even bore me, Mama? Why did you even agree to give this worthless soul life?

You aren't worthless Rachel! You are a precious creation of God's. You are my gift from him.

Then why did you freely give me away?

I'm so sorry baby, I was self centered. I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. I lost so much time and I made you lose so much time.

I'm unlovable.

No you aren't, baby. You are very much loved. Your fathers, myself, Beth, Noah, and Quinn. Especially Quinn.

How long did you know?

Since the first moment I saw you two together.

I don't deserve love.

Yes you do.

Mama.

Baby.

I'm so alone. I'm so cold. I'm so scared.

You aren't alone.

Baby? Rachel?

Shelby's eyes opened as tears rolled down her cheeks. "She blocked me out."

END CHAPTER FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You knew I was going there. Hello, 'Mama who bore me' sung by Lea Michele is the perfect song title to show the differences between Shelby Corcoran, and Judy Fabray.


	7. BEFORE IT BREAKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Brandie Carlile

LIMA, OHIO SPRING 2011

MCKINLEY CHOIR ROOM

"Hello Rachel." She stopped dead in her tracks.

"What are you doing here?" She lifted her left hand to her heart. She felt it skip a few beats.

"Why shouldn't I be here?" Jesse smirked. "I came to see you." He walked towards her. Stopping and lifting his hand to trace her jaw line, "Haven't you missed me?"

"Why would I miss you?" Rachel glared up into his cold eyes.

"Don't be like this, Rach." Jesse smoothly said.

"Don't call me Rach, only my friends call me Rach." Rachel growled low in her throat.

"What friends?" Jesse gently slapped her cheek. He watched as her face paled, and her chocolate brown eyes grew down cast. "You don't have any real friends." Leaning down he brushed his lips against hers. "You just have me." He whispered as he captured her mouth with his own once more. He quickly bit her lip causing her mouth to open in pain – his tongue jerked roughly into her mouth as his gripe tightened on her shoulders.

"Let. Her. Go. Now." A cold hard voice said from behind her.

Jesse's hold on her arms tightened. "I don't think so, Quinn. Rachel is mine. Rachel will always be mine." He smirked as his eyes harden even more. "You looked better fat."

Quinn's temper had rose even more every single second that Rachel was close to St. James. But her deep rooted fear over came her anger. Rachel was in danger. "Rachel come here." She softened her tone as she looked into Rachel's wide scared chocolate brown eyes.

Rachel was frozen on her spot. She couldn't move even to save her own life. She was locked in a place that she went too whenever she felt like her life was being threatened. She had retreated there the moment Jesse's hand met her cheek.

Jesse smirked grew, "Looks like Rachel knows her place. With me!" He let out a deep laugh.

"Let the girl go now dude, don't be a damn woman abuser." Puck walked in behind Quinn. His fists clenched at his sides. His jaw clenched tightly as he glared deep into Jesse's eyes.

"Rachel is mine. She knows her place. Hell her own mother has sent me to her!" Jesse grinned. The smile never meeting his eyes. "Shelby sent me to Rachel to get Rachel to be opened to seeking her mother out. So sorry folks, I'm not going anywhere."

"You are a dead man." Puck threatened in a low voice. "Your only chance now is too let Rachel go."

"Never going to happen man. Never going too happen." Jesse shook his head. "See I came home from ULCA, and have decided to bring Rachel back to California with me. I have noticed that you all have poisoned Rachel against me. I can't allow that too happen."

Rachel let out a soft whimper.

Quinn had enough. She moved forward and than stopped dead in her tracks. Jesse moved his right hand up to Rachel's shoulder blade and squeezed. His eyes never leaving hers. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Quinnie. Think of Beth."

"Oh no you didn't." Mercedes hissed from behind her.

"Beth..." Rachel whispered as a single tear rolled down her hot cheek.

Jesse turned to face Rachel. He roughly jerked up her chin, "You come with me, Rachel and then I'll leave Beth alone." He bent down and captured her lips roughly with his. "If you don't then ..." he left the whispered threat alone.

"Jesse if you don't get yourself away from Rachel, right now, than I'll be forced to make a citizen arrest against you." Will said walking into the room and slamming his messenger bag onto the chair near the door. "I will not have this behavior in my classroom. Especially against my kids."

Jesse twisted his head and mocked Will. "I'll be forced to make a citizen arrest." He barked in harsh laughter, "Thanks for the daily entertainment, Mr. Schue. It's been real nice."

"Brad." Will said.

Jesse suddenly felt firm hands underneath his arm pits and he was lifted away from Rachel. "Damn you all! You won't win. In the end I'll have Rachel with me for all time."

As soon as Brad had man handed Jesse out of Rachel's way – Quinn had found herself rushing over to the petite comatose brunette. Lifting her hand to rest gently on Rachel's swollen lips. "Rachel." She breathed.

Rachel looked up into her hazel eyes with wide scared chocolate brown, "Beth." She whispered another tear ran down her cheek. "Beth isn't safe."

Quinn cupped the smaller Diva's face in her hands. Lowering her head, "Beth is very much safe, Rach. No one is going to be able to harm Beth. I put so many safe guards on her that it would take the Devil himself to get near her – and he would have one hell of time at that!"

"Beth isn't safe around me." Rachel cried in fear. "If I'm out of her life than she'll be safe. I'll go with Jesse."

Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's thin waist. "You are not going anywhere, Rachel Barbara Berry. Expect to New York to Julliard. To Broadway. With Beth and me alongside you." She rested her forehead against Rachel's. "We'll be graduating in just under two years, Rach, then we'll on our way to New York, I promise."

Tears rolled down Rachel's cheeks as she closed her eyes. "I want to go home. I want too be safe."

"Okay." Quinn whispered. "I'll have you safely at home in ten minutes."

"Safe." Rachel whispered as she allowed Quinn to take over her strength.

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

RACHEL'S BEDROOM

Rachel buried her head into her down feathered pillow. She tried to hide the sobs that were bursting forth deep inside her. She didn't want to frighten Beth – she knew that the little girl hasn't left for school that day. Matter of fact seeing how it was Saturday she knew Beth wasn't going to go to school. So she was trying so hard not to allow her heart wrenching sobs to break past the pillow.

It had been two days since she shut out her mother's essence from her soul. Two days since she laid eyes on Quinn. She hadn't had the energy or will to leave her bedroom. She knew that she had sunken even more into the depression that had gripped her soul – God, she didn't even know for how long she had this depression. She just was aware that it had taken over her life since that night on the pier when Quinn had professed her love for her.

The door slowly opened. She was so wrapped up in her sobs that she didn't hear the soft padded feet make their way too her. She didn't feel the slight dip as the small body made it's way next to her on the bed. The only thing she felt was a cool hand on her warm skin underneath her neck bone. "Rachel?" A soft whisper.

Rachel tried her hardest to quill her sobs. She didn't want to scare the young and innocent soul, but for the life of her she wasn't able to stop the tears. Her hands lifted to cover her head as she felt the pillow being pulled from her face. She felt hot breath hit her skin.

"Rachel?" The voice spoke once more. More closer to her face than before. She felt a soft small hand on her right cheek. Her breath hitched in her throat as finally some of the sobs finally stopped. Her eyes slowly blinked open and she saw the deep concern in hazel eyes. "Q-q-quinn?" She chocked out.

"No it's Beth." Beth gently said. She lightly ran her fingers down Rachel's cheek – like how her mother and Rachel did whenever she was sick. "When will you get better?"

"I don't know." Rachel honestly replied.

"I don't like it when you are sick. I want you better." Beth whispered. She leaned forward and gently placed her lips on smooth skin of Rachel's cheek. "Where does it hurt, Rachel? I can kiss and make it better. Just as you and mommy make me feel better whenever I'm sick."

"Oh my sweet Beth," Rachel sighed. "I'm sick. But it's not the type of sickness that can be kissed away."

Beth tilted her head. "Why not? Doesn't kisses always make the sickness go. I know it doesn't work magically – like proof right after the kiss and you are right off better. But the kiss does make you feel better – it just takes a little time is all."

"Oh Baby, if life was as simple as a six year old's view." Rachel felt more tears roll down her cheeks. She felt Beth lips on her cheek.

"I'm trying to catch every single one of your tears. Like how mommy does." Beth whispered.

"Your mommy loves to keep your tears close to her heart." Rachel whispered as she reached up and traced Beth's jaw line.

"No, I mean I'm trying to catch every one of your tears for mommy." Beth gently said as she kissed a lone tear before it slipped off of Rachel's chin.

Rachel blinked.

"Mommy is always kissing away your tears whenever you are sick and sad. But, mommy hasn't been around you for two days – so she can't kiss away your tears. So I'm here to do it for her. I'm going to mommy and kiss her until all your tears are safe with her." Beth said with a smile.

"Quinn what are you doing?" Rachel blinked as she felt Quinn's lips on her cheek – just underneath her right eye.

"I'm capturing your tears." Quinn whispered, "I want each and every one of them."

Rachel pushed Quinn backwards. "That's not your job, Quinn."

"Yes it is. I'm the cause of them." She leaned forward once more and placed her mouth on Rachel's wet cheek.

Rachel jerked away from Quinn. Quinn fell forward and hit her chin on the pillow. She looked up as Rachel quickly got off the bed and backed against the wall. Arms wrapped tightly around her waist. "You aren't the cause of ALL of them, Quinn." She snorted, "And everyone calls me self centered." She rolled her eyes. "I don't cry over you, Quinn Fabray."

"Liar." Quinn simply said. She remained where she was. Her swollen stomach against Rachel's feather down comforter. Her hands on either side holding her slightly up.

"Okay in the beginning I do admit that I cried due too you." Rachel sighed. "It's not because of the abuse you sent my way. It was because you were forcing yourself to hide behind the abuse. I was weeping for the LOSS of you."

"Don't you see that's exactly why I want – no NEED to capture every single one of your tears Rachel? Don't you see why I want to put those tears where they would be the safest." Quinn sat up and placed her hand over her chest, "My heart, Rach, my heart."

"I didn't ask you into my life for this, Quinn. You don't owe me this." Rachel's knees gave out and she knelt down on her heels. She felt arms wrap around her, and she just buried her head into the nook of Quinn's shoulder. "I will always catch you falling tears, Rachel, and I'll keep them safe in my heart."

"Oh Beth." Rachel sniffed.

"Why won't you let mommy take care of you?" Beth rested her head against Rachel's chest.

"Baby it's not simple as just being sick. If I was just sick than of course I would allow your mommy to take care of me. But baby, I'm not going to get better for a long time. I can't allow myself to take up so much of your mommy's time. She needs to be there fully for you." Rachel gently explained.

"No she needs to be fully there for you." Beth counted back. Her right eye brow rose high on her forehead. "I can go and stay with Grandma Shelby and Grandpa Will."

Rachel reached up and cupped Beth's small chin in her the palm of her right hand. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm making you feel like you can't stay in your home. I'm so sorry that I'm making you feel that you can't be with your mommy." Tears rolled down her pale cheek.

"I just want you better, Rachel. I want you happy again." Beth whispered as she brought her head closer to rest against Rachel's cheek.

LIMA, OHIO SPRING 2011

RACHEL'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

Quinn whose arms were wrapped around Rachel's waist led the couch. "Sit down." She gently commanded. She sat down pulling Rachel closer to her. "Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that back there. I should have been more alert, I should have gathered you after final class, and walked to the Choir room together. Jesse would never had a chance to get close to you, baby." A lone tear rolled down her left cheek.

"You should take Beth and leave." Rachel said in a dead tone. "Jesse won't stop. He's going to hurt Beth."

Quinn lifted Rachel's face. Looking the small Diva dead straight in the eyes, "Beth and I aren't going anywhere. Not now and not ever. You are quite stuck with both of us for a lifetime Miss. Berry. Get used to that truth."

Rachel just leaned in and buried her face into Quinn's knee and sobbed. Quinn held the broken diva tightly against her.

END CHAPTER SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had a different chapter six idea working. But than when I wrote the first part of this chapter for another story – I just knew it fit better for 'Idiosyncrasy'. I had also chosen a song for this chapter – but I had to change the song also as I realized that the chapter didn't fit it.


	8. BLACKBIRD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: The Beatles
> 
> 4.15.11 Author's Note: I just realized that I moved Rachel, and Holly's first meeting to the summer after Junior Year. So I moved Holly Holiday's time as subbing for Glee too Senior year. It still works out in the end. Just a year later is all.

LIMA, OHIO SUMMER 2011

RACHEL'S HOUSE: NURSERY

Rachel smiled down into Beth's upturned face. "Hey there beautiful." She cooed softly into the tired one year old face. "I can't believe that you are one all ready. Where has the time simply gone? Last time I looked – you precious was still growing in your mommy's tummy."

Beth cooed right back. She also one upped her – by yawning. Rachel smirked. "You just had to go one better than me didn't you." Beth's cooed. Her nose twitched and she sneezed.

"I just knew that I would come up with the ultimate way of one upping you." Quinn let out a soft giggle from where she was leaning against the door frame. She sighed deeply, "Although I do wish I waited until after high school." She looked at the brunette whom was sitting in the rocking chair with her daughter. "But, I would never wish Beth away in a million years."

Rachel brought Beth up to her face. "Neither would I." She whispered as she kissed the smooth cheek. Beth turned slightly and kissed back. She gently laughed as she rubbed her face against Rachel's cheek. "I love you." Rachel whispered in the year old little girl's right ear. "Ever so much."

I love you. I have always loved you. I will love you until my dying breath. I'll love you in Heaven. Quinn silently watched as Rachel showed her love towards her daughter. She wished with all her heart that it was time to tell Rachel her true feelings. But the words simply wouldn't come forth.

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

Shelby sighed too herself as she stood outside the theater where her oldest daughter had taken the lead female role. She smiled, she was happy that Rachel finally achieved the beginnings of her dream of Broadway.

But the smile was wiped from her face as she realized that her baby girl wasn't happy. She was long from being happy. She had began to achieve her dreams and she wasn't in the place too be happy about it. She walked to the entrance and opened it up. Granted the general public didn't have access to the theater when it wasn't opened. But Shelby surprising was still a well known name in New York. Not only for her own small stint in her younger days – but now as Rachel Berry's mother.

She walked down the familiar isle of the theater. The theater that actually was her big break. Pausing she just stared at the stage. She had a starring role in Rent. She gently laughed under her breath at how awe struck she had been at twenty-two finally full filling her dreams. Her brow creased even the awe struck of being on Broadway couldn't erase the pain of not having her child with her. Her hand gripped the chair that she stood by. She blinked back the tears that threatened to unleash.

"If I live and breath." A jolly voice said from the far right of her. She twisted her head and a genuine smile lit up her face at the man that was making his way towards her. "Shelby Corcoran has come back to grace my poorly theater once more." He quickly pulled her into a tight bear hug.

"Henry, it's so good to see you once more." Shelby hugged Henry tighter. Pulling away, "I knew you still owned the theater, but I never had the chance to seek you out."

"You are in New York for a visit?" Henry right eye brow rose in question.

"No my husband and I have moved to New York four years ago." Shelby smiled.

"You are married. You must have dinner with my wife and I soon." Henry smiled.

"Will and I would love to dine with you and your wife." Shelby smiled.

"Good, good. So I don't mean to be impolite or anything. But is this visit of yours just a memory lane one?" Henry noticed how the younger woman's body tensed up.

"I'm here about my daughter. Rachel Berry." Shelby spoke.

"Rachel's your daughter?" Henry's eyes widen in surprise. "I should have realized. She does look like you. She has your talent and drive – and so much more of her own. She's a star. Just like her mother."

"Thank you." Shelby nodded. "Her fathers had done a wonderful job raising her. I wasn't around for her childhood. I chose to give up all rights to her when I signed the contact to help Giovanni and Kristopher to having a child of their own. I feel that if I had just stayed and been part of Rachel's life from the moment she was born – than Rachel wouldn't be in such a deep depression now."

"So it is a serious depression after all." Henry frowned in sadness. "I'm very sad to hear of this. I wish Rachel didn't have too ever go through depression. You are aware that Rachel has left the play?"

Shelby sighed deeply, "Yes I am aware. I'm sorry for it. Real sorry. Rachel is perfect for the role. But -"

"Her soul isn't in it anymore." Henry sighed. "Don't you fret, Shelby, Rachel has a solid place in my theater whenever she wants it. Among other theaters also. Rachel has it – and the world knows it."

"Thank you, Henry." Shelby spoke, but the words that she desperately needed to speak. The words that were buried deep within her soul that she couldn't even speak to William about. She just prayed that she was wrong in her fear.

"Come, you and Will will have dinner with Victoria and I tonight. We will catch up on our lives. I will tell you about my children, my grandchildren. You will tell me about your family. Yes, yes?" Henry tilted his head down to look into her downcast gaze.

"I don't think we'll be able to find a baby sitter at such short notice. Will and my own children are all under the age of eight." Shelby lifted her gaze to meet the compassionate gaze of her father figure in New York.

"How about we come over to your home? Victoria loves children. She'll want to be surrounded by your small ones." Henry prompted. He didn't feel at all embarrassed for inviting himself and his wife over to Shelby's home. This was Shelby after all.

Shelby gently laughed, "You just don't want to cook is all."

Henry held up his hands, "Guilty as charged. I don't want to deal with the dishes either."

"Okay. I'll inform Will that we'll have two more around the table tonight. I'm looking forward too seeing Victoria once more. I have missed her in the years that I was gone from New York." Shelby softly smiled.

"Where did you go? You never told me." Henry tilted his head.

"Ohio. Too Rachel." Shelby smiled sadly. "Although I had to live three hours away from her – and force myself not to make contact with her. When she was sixteen, I couldn't stand being apart from her any longer – so I tricked her into wanting to seek me out."

"I would love to hear the story. But I know that Victoria would also love to hear it. How about we save it till this evening – that way you'll only have too tell it once." Henry clasped his hands over her thin ones.

"Okay." Shelby whispered nodding her head. Leaning in and kissing his cheek. "Till tonight than, Henry." She turned and walked up the isle.

Henry shook his head. He said a silent prayer for both Shelby and Rachel. His two favorite girls outside of his wife, daughters and granddaughters.

LIMA, OHIO SUMMER 2011

THE PARK

"I'm so happy that you canceled all your lessons to spend the day with us, Rach." Quinn leaned back on her elbows as she smiled to the right of her at Rachel. Beth was leaning against her chest playing with her small teething toy. Her blanket was just barely covering her. "I'm so happy that you wanted too have some family time with us."

"Well it was two against one after all. You just had to go and get Beth to use her cutest of all cute faces. The ones that you just knew I couldn't resist. I was putty in your hands." Rachel said in mock anger. "You shouldn't have used your baby that way, Quinnie."

"You love it." Quinn just grinned and shrugged. Beth just cooed and spit a small bubble over at Rachel.

Rachel burst out in gleeful laughter. "Can't believe that I'm a person who actually goes all googly eyed over that."

Quinn giggled.

Rachel blushed as she stopped laughing. "I knew I loved babies. But I never saw the reason to get all baby talkie with them. They are intellect people after all. They just can't use their vocal codes yet – expect for whimpering, cooing, laughing, crying, screaming. But you can tell by their eyes that they do follow your words quite well."

Quinn raised an eye bow on this note. "Rach-"

Rachel sighed, "Okay so they don't understand what the words mean. But they can follow the speech pattens and tone of voices."

Quinn nodded.

"I promised myself after I made daddy and dad stop using baby talk on me – when I was four years old by the way – that I would never ever down talk a baby." Rachel's eyes lowered and met Beth's open hazel ones. "But this little one has wormed it out of me."

Quinn smiled down at her daughter. "She has that way about her." She ran her hand down Beth's right cheek.

"Hello." A woman said standing in front of the two girls and baby.

Both teens looked up curious at the smiling blond woman in front of them. Quinn wrapped her arms more protecting around her daughter. Beth cooed up.

"I couldn't help myself. I just had to come and smile down at this precious child." The woman said and knelt down her knees.

"Oh?" Rachel sat up straighter and moved closer towards Quinn and Beth.

"I'm sorry, Rachel, I should introduce myself." Rachel's eyes widen in surprise that this strange woman knew whom she was – when she didn't know whom the woman was. She never met the woman before in her life. She didn't think.

"My name is Holly Holiday." The woman smiled. "I almost was your surrogate mother."

Quinn balanced on that note. Well, that's coming right to the point. I have a feeling that if Ms. Holiday was Rachel's biological mother; that Rachel would still be Rachel. Although perhaps Rachel would have been blond and taller. She looked over at Rachel, I'm glad Rachel is exactly whom she is. I wouldn't change a thing.

"Oh." Rachel was somewhat speechless. This was the first woman too have said that too her in her life. "Was there a long list?"

Holly laughed gently, "No. Your fathers just had two choices too make. They made the correct one."

"Nice too meet you Ms. Holiday." Rachel had glanced down and didn't notice a wedding ring. Or any indent of an wedding ring. "I'm sorry too be so rude – but today is just really a family day."

"Oh of course. I just wanted to say hello to you is all, Rachel." Holly stood to her feet. "Perhaps I'll see you around town."

"Perhaps." Rachel was noncommittal.

Holly smiled once more and turned, and continued on her way.

"Okay, I must make a comment here." Quinn finally found her voice. Rachel turned to look at her – after making sure that Holly Holiday was no longer in line of sight. "That was very rude of you Rachel."

"Pardon?" Rachel's left eye bow rose high on her forehead.

"You were very rude to Ms. Holiday. All she wanted too do was say hello too you." Quinn worried her bottom lip.

"She wanted to brag that she was in line too being my surrogate mother." Rachel snorted. "I all ready knew that I was a test tube baby. Known since I was two. I all ready met my surrogate mother. I don't need to meet the women whom had answered my fathers adds." She sighed as she laid down on her back, with her hands behind her head.

"Rach -" Quinn protested.

"Don't Rach me, Quinn, I don't want to think about this non issue anymore." Rachel closed her eyes. "It is what it is. I wasn't made the way most people are made." She shrugged her shoulders, "So be it. I like being unique."

"Rach-" Quinn began once more.

Rachel opened her eyes and stared up into the concerned hazel eyes. "I just want to spend the day with you and Beth, Quinn, no one else. I didn't cancel my important training for my future to spend nice and quite frankly fake pleasantry too a woman whom volunteered to get me test tubed into her."

Quinn sighed, "Whenever you are ready to talk about it, Rach, know that I'm here for you."

"There's nothing too talk about." Rachel quickly stated. "Nothing."

Quinn leaned forward, feeling Beth pressing more firmly against her chest. Covering Rachel's hand with her own. "There's nothing too be afraid here, Rach."

Rachel looked Quinn dead in the eyes, "Who said I was afraid? I just don't want too deal with a non issue is all."

"I'm sorry." Quinn simply said. "I shouldn't have made you cancel your lessons today. If I hadn't than you wouldn't have met Ms. Holiday. You wouldn't be feeling like this right now."

Rachel sighed deeply, "Quinn, you didn't make me cancel my lessons. I truly wanted to spend the day with my family. I'm sorry that I got so up tight over Ms. Holiday. I just wasn't expecting the news was all."

"You like too expect everything in life don't you?" Quinn asked.

"I just don't like unexpected surprises is all." Rachel shrugged. "I would like to make my plans according too the information that I have on hand. Take taking daily slushies for instance. I know that they are coming – so I bring extra clothes, clean towels, my own terry cloth that I love against my skin and hair. Shampoo so that my hair isn't sticky or tangling all day." She held up her hand, "Don't you dare apologize again Quinn."

Quinn had opened her mouth too do just that the moment 'slushies' came out of Rachel's mouth. But than Rachel continued on explaining – and she knew that the short Diva was just stating cold hard facts.

"Whenever I prepare for anything, weather for Glee, plays, anything I like to be fully prepare. It's only professionalism to be fully prepared. I mean I would hate to be the cause of unnecessary delays on other people's valuable time." Rachel once more shrugged.

"I know that everyone says that I take life too seriously, Quinn, I know that it's one of my many real faults. But that's how I am. I tend to come off all Diva due too this – Mercedes and Kurt love to point that out any chance they can get." Lips pursed, "They actually help me tone it down," Rachel smiled, "I should let them know at some point."

"They would like to hear that." Quinn gently said. "They will finally tone down their high and mighty act if you make the first step."

Rachel nodded her head, "I know this." She sighed sheepishly, "I just haven't made it a priority it. See I still have some work too do." She played with a blade of grass, "I know that they only tolerant me right now is because of you."

"Hey now that's not true Rach." Quinn protested. "They are just stuck in their teenage personality too."

"Whenever you were sick, they always freely came up too me to see how you were doing. They questioned me very hard making sure that you were honestly being taken care of. That Beth was safe." Rachel stared down at the blade of grass, "When I was sick, did they come to you asking about my wealth fare? Did they even care."

Quinn opened her mouth – then closed it once more. She couldn't lie. But she knew Kurt and Mercedes well – and knew the two teens did actually care deeply for Rachel. They just haven't forcefully tore themselves out of the school's hatred of Rachel was all. She would make a point and discuss this with them.

"When I first met Shelby, and she denied me; did Mercedes give a fuck? Or did she quietly gleefully celebrate that my own mother didn't want me?" Rachel lifted her eyes to meet Quinn's concerned hazel ones.

"You don't give Mercedes much credit do you, Rachel?" Quinn didn't realize that her tone turned flat.

"At the time when I knew Mercedes had heard everything, I privately thought she was dying on the inside due to sheer laughter." Rachel shrugged. "Wouldn't have blamed her one bit." She looked down at the blade of glass in her fingers once more. "I'm sure that she was on the phone with Kurt the moment that we dropped her off at her home."

"She was texting him right after Shelby denied you." Quinn admitted. "But not gleefully. She was telling him that she felt so bad for you. That no one deserved to be abandoned by their parents."

"I would like to believe you." Rachel whispered.

"Then do." Quinn said gently but firmly.

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

"I would like to believe you." Rachel softly stared at the picture of Quinn by her bed.

"Then do." Quinn replied quietly on the other side of the closed door. Her head was resting against the wood work and she could hear Rachel's soft voice. It was that quiet in the house. She had driven Beth over to Shelby and Will's that morning. She had come home and came to sit out side of Rachel's bedroom. She hadn't moved since.

END CHAPTER SEVEN


	9. YOUR ILLUSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Hanson

NEW YORK, WINTER 2015

SCHUESTER'S BROWNSTONE

"Hello everyone, I'm home." Shelby called out in a tired but happy voice. She fully expected her little ones too come charging towards her with a somewhat tired William behind them. What she didn't expect was Beth sulking into the hallway. Walking and kneeing down to the small blond six year old, "Hey there little one."

Beth slowly rose her eyes to meet Shelby's chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that remind her so much of Rachel. A lone tear slowly rolled down her right cheek. She didn't even brother to wipe it away.

Shelby's hand rose and gently wiped the tear off the small cheek. "Grandma Shelby?" Beth's little voice whispered. "Yes baby?" She softly replied.

"Why won't Rachel get better? Why is she so desperately holding onto this sickness that is making her feel so horrible, and so sad." Beth leaned against Shelby's chest. "She's sad, mommy is sad and I'm sad. Why are we sad all the time?"

"Oh baby," Shelby held the little girl closer to her heart than ever before. Bowing her head and kissing the top of the blond head, and then smooth cheek of the little girl that almost was hers. But she was happy that Quinn chose to keep her precious baby, and she was overjoyed that Rachel was helping Quinn raise Beth. "If I could take this from Rachel, than I would. I wish that I could carry this burden for my precious daughter. I would in a heart beat."

"Then you would be sad all the time. Also Grandpa Will, and my uncles and aunts. I don't like this sickness." Beth frowned into Shelby's silk shirt. "I don't like it at all. It's not fair."

Will came into the hallway than and saw his wife with Beth in her arms. He leaned against the wall with his arms around his thin chest. I wish that I paid more attention to Rachel in the beginning. If I had just known that her diva rants were just her defensive mechanism from the first moment that I first laid eyes on her – like I did with the rest of the kids – than I would have been able to offer my shoulder that much sooner too her. But I just wanted to run Glee my own damn way, just too have one aspect of my life that I could call my own – that I just turned my back on a desperate cry for help.

Shelby lifted her eyes and met his. She closed her eyes briefly before opening them once more. Her chocolate brown eyes held no judgment – expect the judgment that he had to finally forgive himself for his past mistakes. She lowered her eyes back to their adoptive granddaughter.

"I want Rachel better, Grandma Shelby. I just want her better." Beth put her arms around Shelby's neck; as Shelby slowly stood too her feet. Wrapping her legs around Shelby's waist she allowed herself too be carried.

"Mommy's home." Four young voices cried in union.

Beth just tightened her hold.

"Hello sweeties." Shelby said in a calm voice. The four children were alert that they needed to calm down. They watched as their mother sat down on the couch with Beth still clinging to her.

Emerson the oldest at four looked at his mother, and his niece. Then he turned his eyes on his younger brother and sisters. He frowned silently than sighed. Gavin at one tried to mimic his action – but he just used his best hammed face instead. Emerson gently rolled his eyes.

Amelia at two smiled sadly at her brother before turning to look at her mother and niece. She wanted to go and join in the cuddle time with her mommy, but knew that there was no room on her mother's lap for her quiet yet. She inched closer to her oldest brother before she held out her arms for him to pick her up. She snuggled into his thin chest; as he gathered her too him.

Katara looked over at her twin brother; than down at her younger brother, she saw her younger sister was being comforted by her twin – she decided to get the comfort that she seeked in her father's arms. Marching over, and tugging on his pant leg she stared up into his brown eyes. He smiled sadly down at her and picked her up. Wrapping her arms around his neck; she just rested her head against his neck.

"Well family, we are going too have guests tonight." Shelby said in the quiet of the room. "Henry O'Neil, and his wife Victoria are going to be coming for dinner."

"I like Uncle Henry and Aunt Victoria." Beth sighed. "But," She sighed deeply once more, "I'm not in the mood to visit with them."

So like Rachel. Shelby and Will thought looking at Beth. She may be Quinn's daughter – but she's ever much Rachel's.

"Well it would be rude to cancel on them. I haven't seen them in twenty years." Shelby sighed. "I usually give into you little one, but not this time."

"It's about Rachel isn't it?" Beth whispered.

"Yes." Shelby whispered back.

"Okay than." Beth nodded into Shelby's chest. She felt her grandmother's arms tighten around her. She was much closer to this grandmother than her other two 'real' grandmothers. After all this grandmother was the mother too her Rachel. "I just want Rachel better again."

LIMA, OHIO FALL 2010

MCKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL

FIRST DAY OF JUNIOR YEAR

"I usually like school. I mean not the cruel way that I always treated you. But just to finally get out of my house – away from my parents for a good eight hours a day. School was my escape from my parents." Quinn lifted her strap higher on her shoulder, "But now I hate it. I just want to be home with my daughter."

"I know what you mean. Not about willing want to be away from my parents. But I used to love school." Rachel's lips lifted, "I didn't love the treatment that I got. But I love the required things that I need to learn to prepare for my future. I loved escaping to the auditorium whenever I knew it was completely empty."

"It was never completely empty." Quinn softly said. "Whenever I knew you escaped to the auditorium – I would sneak in. You never knew it."

"So it was your presence that I felt." Rachel whispered. A smile lit up her face, "I'm so happy that it was you instead of someone else." Turning around she wrapped her thin arms around the thin waist of the tall blond.

Quinn wrapped her arms around the smaller brunette. "So am I. So am I." She bent down and kissed the top of her head. "I wish I was with Beth."

"Let's skip." Rachel whispered.

Quinn heart leapt with the sheer idea of it. Yes, they could skip that day. They could go home and spend the entire day with Beth. But then Rachel's future came rushing forward. She knew that she couldn't allow Rachel one black mark on her attendance record. "No," she sighed. "Sides this is healthy for both Beth and I. Too be apart from one another. It'll help her become independent. Too stand on her own."

"I'm sorry." Rachel leaned up, and kissed the end of Quinn's tight clenched jaw line. "I'm ever so sorry." She burrowed deeper into Quinn's chest for another long hug.

"Okay seriously, I can't have my baby Mama and favorite Jew hugging out here ALL day now can I." Puck said walking up and frowning at the sight before him. "I mean I can't be the only parent that Beth has whom has graduated high school."

Quinn pulled Rachel from her. Letting her hands off of Rachel's skin. Puck's voice helped break the spell that she had been under since Rachel had hugged her. Was it minutes or hours since that time. She had lost track of time. Just like whenever she was with Rachel. She stepped backwards so Rachel couldn't reach her.

Rachel blinked as she watched Quinn move away from her. Her right hand reached out trying to stop the blond from leaving her. But Quinn just closed herself even future. She suddenly felt cold. She moved over to stand next to Noah – whom willing wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her tightly against him. Her head rested on his shoulder.

Quinn blinked at the site of Rachel at Puck's side. They look perfect for one another. Her heart broke as she realized that Rachel would never be hers. Rachel would belong to someone else. To a male whom could actually give her his child – their child.

"Come on ladies, the place that I fondly call hell hole is waiting for us." Noah jerked his head towards the front of the school. "Only two more years than we will be free of this place." He gently tugged Rachel to walk beside him towards the front door. He felt Quinn walk behind them.

Quinn tightened up at how close Rachel willing brought herself into Puck's side. Traitor! Her eyes screamed at Puck's back. ...Noah Puckerman! Right now! She didn't realize that fire was in her hazel eyes. Or that sweat was beginning to break out on her forehead.

Noah hid his smirk. He just knew how to take Quinn's mind off of Beth that day. Well at least too the point of her being able to function. He gently tightened his hold on his hot Jewish sister, not enough to harm Rachel – just enough to get under Quinn's skin. He felt a hole being burnt into his back. He wanted to laugh out loud.

They reached Quinn, and Rachel lockers. "You can let go now, Noah."

"Yeah Puckerman!" Quinn growled.

"I don't mind. I quite like my hot Jewish sister at my side." Noah smiled down into Rachel's chocolate eyes.

"Just leave, Puck." Quinn sighed as she tried to keep her temper in check.

Noah bent his head lower so he could nose snuggle Rachel's left check. "Go with me on this today, Rach. It'll help Quinn."

Rachel hid her smile. "Don't go over board, Noah. I won't be able to hold Quinn back if you decided to become too fresh with me." She managed to whisper in his ear.

"I'll chance it." Noah gently pecked her lips before pulling up. He swallowed the sudden hard lump that had formed in his throat – Quinn's fierce glare almost fried him. But the pain in her eyes just killed his soul. Okay. I won't push this too much. I don't want my baby Mama to be needlessly heartbroken. "I need to get to my locker. See you two in homeroom." He let Rachel go – and half waved at Quinn.

Quinn chewed her bottom lip.

"Quinn?" Rachel said after it had been two minutes since Noah had left them. She moved closer and placed her right hand on Quinn's hot shoulder, "Quinn …."

"You shouldn't let him do that, Rachel. It's Noah Puckerman after all. The man whore of the state of Ohio." Quinn's eyes slitted.

"Quinn!" Rachel said shocked.

"Hell, I'm sure Noah Puckerman is man whore of the entire fucking United States of America – perhaps the entire world even." Quinn's anger rose with every word she was saying.

"Stop it, Quinn Fabray. I'm not going to allow you to hurt someone whom is important to us." Rachel said in a firm but gentle voice.

Quinn glared down into the chocolate brown eyes, "He's important only too you, Berry. He just wants to get his penis tight inside you. He wants too fuck you senseless – he wants to deflower you." She didn't realize that her hand rose to gripe Rachel's arm on her shoulder.

"That's not true, Quinn. You know that's not true." Rachel felt a tear roll down her eyes. Quinn's words wounded her deep inside her soul. "You need to let your anger shimmer down."

"You don't get to tell me what too do – treas - Berry! You don't get to tell me how to feel Rachel. I never gave you that right!" Quinn hissed her HBIC personage back in firm control. She moved closer, her fists clenched at her side, tilting her head to the right. "Perhaps you do what Puckerman's dick tightly inside you – trapped by your clenching walls. Perhaps you wouldn't be the one to force him back out."

Rachel's eyes wide as her back slammed back into the lockers. "Q-quinn …." She tried to reason this rapidly out of control situation.

Quinn leaned down, "He's not that great of a fuck, Rach. Trust me on this. He's all about taking – not giving. You will be dissatisfied for the rest of your life. Always wanting more – but Noah will never be able to give it you."

"I don't want Noah." Rachel whispered.

Quinn pushed herself away from Rachel. Her eyes harden once more. "You know what, Berry? I don't give a fuck! Go fuck Noah Puckerman for all I care." She turned and stormed off down the hallway.

"Quinn!" Rachel shouted after the blond.

Quinn never looked back.

Rachel watched stunned as Quinn turned the corner.

END CHAPTER EIGHT


	10. MY OWN WORST ENEMY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist: Idina Menzel

MCKINELY HIGH EMPTY HALLWAY

FIRST DAY OF JUNIOR YEAR

FIVE MINUTES TILL HOMEROOM

Quinn pounded her right fist against the wall. She couldn't believe how hot headed she was back there. She fully knew what Noah was playing at. He wasn't interested in Rachel romantically – he promised her last year – that his love for Rachel was pearly sibling feelings. She trusted him on this.

Then why such a violent reaction to his play acting? If it were Finn than yeah it would be understandable – although Rachel was currently dating the giant freak. She felt her blood boil just at the thought of Finn. Her fist slammed back against the wall.

Turing so her back was pressed tightly against the wall. "Great!" She whispered. "Get it together Quinn! You can't let Rachel know – it's too soon. Much much too soon."

"Hello Quinn." Brittany spoke as she stepped into the hallway.

"Not now Brittany." Quinn closed her eyes. She did the breathing techniques that she learned when she first found out she was pregnant. She felt a hand on her shoulder, her eyes jerked open. "..Brittany! God; can't you take a direct hint." She felt her chest clench as her anger returned full force.

Brittany silently pulled Quinn into her. She just gently tightened her hold as Quinn began to fight. Finally Quinn wrapped her arms tightly around her back, and returned the hug. She felt the shorter blond lay her head on her shoulder, and felt hot tears against her neck.

Quinn fought desperately to get herself back under control – but she felt the overwhelming emotions over run her tired soul. She couldn't keep up with her emotions any longer. "I made a complete ass of myself back there. Rachel will never forgive me."

"Who says I wouldn't." Quinn jerked out of Brittany's arms to find Rachel standing at the end of the hallway. "Hey." Rachel softly said.

"I-i-i c-can't do this ri-right now." Quinn slowly backed away. "I'm s-sorry." She turned on her heels and fled.

Rachel sighed as she simply watched Quinn ran away. "Thank you for being such a good friend to Quinn, Brittany." She never took her eyes from the last spot where Quinn had been before turning the corner.

"I thought my hug would help her." Brittany said in her ear. "I was wrong. But perhaps I'm not wrong this time." She gently wrapped her arms around Rachel, and pulled the shorter diva into her chest. She felt Rachel return her hug.

"I can feel Quinn's tears." Rachel whispered against her shoulder.

The bell rang shirlly.

"Brittany we need to get too class. Now." Santana roughly said. She stood at the entrance too the hall with her arms folded tightly across her chest. Her right foot was thumping like thumper on crack. Her jaw was stiff as she willed all her emotions deep down into her soul.

Rachel pulled away from the taller blond. "You guys go on. I'll go locate Quinn. We'll meet you later for lunch." She looked over the blond cheerleader's shoulder at the Latin. "If I need you …."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I'll get Q. back to herself if you can't, Berry."

"Thanks Santana." Rachel smiled gently before turning, and going where Quinn had gone minutes before.

THE GIRLS BATHROOM

Rachel pushed with her hand against the cool surface of the bathroom door. The bathroom that she had truly called her home since the first day of freshman year – the day that she got her first ever slushy It was the room that she felt the safest in – well expect for the Auditorium that was. She found it sad that she called a public bathroom a safe haven. She was just lucky that hardly anyone uses this bathroom.

Perhaps they all stopped when they watched her use it to change from her slushy attacks. Truly only ones who entered where the girls whom wanted to insult her. But ever since she and Quinn had become friends – and so close together the slushy facials had all but stopped – and no one else uses this restroom. Expect her and Quinn.

Taking a deep breath she gently pushed open the door. She found Quinn sitting on the ground; with her knees pulled tightly against her chest. Her chin was resting on her knees. She allowed the door to swing shut behind her. She carefully made her way to her seated best friend. Kneeling down until she could sit against the wall beside the blond. "I'm sorry that I made you come to school today, Quinn. I should have realized that you needed more time with your daughter."

"Shut up." Quinn growled low in her throat. "Just shut the fuck up!"

Rachel's teeth clashed in their haste to obey the blond cheerleader.

"I don't what I'm doing any longer. I have no control over my emotional state whatsoever. I never thought I would be a total wreak at age seventeen, and in my junior year of high school." Quinn finally spoke after five minutes of tense silence.

Rachel remained silent. Her hands were tucked tightly between her pants legs; which were pulled up to her chest. She had managed to tuck in her chin as she looked at the shine that the janitor had managed to make the bathroom floor. She had been fighting back her tears for the past five minutes.

"Aren't you going to say anything!" Quinn barked out. Her dropped as Rachel cringed. "Shit!" She breathed out. "Rach -" She wrapped her arms around the frigid form of her the short Diva – whom in just a year came to mean more to her than her own life. "Rach-" She whispered close to Rachel's left ear.

"I don't like that she's back." Rachel moaned softly. She began to rock to and for – not feeling that her back kept hitting the wall behind her. "I thought she was finally gone."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Quinn pulled Rachel into her – to get the brunette to crawl into her, and too protect her back from the hard wall. Tears were rolling freely down her cheek. "I didn't mean to scare you baby, honest to God I didn't mean for her to ever return."

Rachel arms left her legs and grabbed hold on Quinn's upper arms. She pushed the blond from her. "I ca-c-can't have you comfort me when she is still on the surface." She backed away towards the stalls with her hands behind her. "I just c-can't h-handle it." She fell back wards as the stall's door pushed backwards on her.

Quinn stayed where she was. "Rachel!" She gasped.

Rachel sat up, and then jumped to her feet. "I'm fine. Truly I'm fine." She scooted out of the stall and made her way to the door. "Quinn, I'm sorry but I can't be here for you right now. Not like this. I'm sorry." She managed to open the door behind her back. "God, how sorry I am." She rushed into the empty corridor.

As the door slammed shut, Quinn bowed her head.

AUDITORIUM

9:22 AM

SECOND PERIOD IN SESSION

Santana walked down the single lighted isle that led towards center stage. Sighing as she stopped midway down to the stage. Twisting her head to the right she sighed as she saw the lone figure sitting right smack in the middle seat. She moved silently towards the shorter brunette. "Figured I would find you here. Neither you are Q. showed up for homeroom or this period. You know Berry you aren't making your perfect attendance record today. You need to actually show your pretty little face in each class to get your marks."

Sitting down in the chair to the right of the silent Diva, "B. and I are filling in for you and Q. Luckily the past two periods we have Mr. Schue. But, you need to get to the rest of your classes. Other teachers aren't going to buy us telling them that you and Q. are actually here."

"I failed." Rachel whispered.

Her head tilted to the right, "How is that? You know that I'm just kidding here right. B. and I will of course cover for you the rest of the day. You won't get a black mark on your record. Puck will even help cover for you today. You didn't fail."

"I failed." Rachel repeated.

"Out with it." Santana sighed.

"I can't help Quinn with this..." Rachel began to rock to and forth. "Not when she's back."

Santana's eyes popped open. "I see …." Standing to her feet. "You going to be all right alone for a little while? I'm going to send B. here."

"Not Brittany." Rachel shook her head. "Can you get Noah?"

"Sure." Santana said turning and rushing down the isle. She was going to kill Quinn for this. How dare Quinn destroy all the progress that she had made with the tiny Diva in the past year. Quinn was a dead woman once she located her.

She stormed out of the auditorium with fire in her eyes. Pulling out her phone as she leaned against the wall. Puck get your ass to the auditorium NOW.

Santana turned down the hall that would led to the bathroom that she knew was special to her girls. It was time to hand down some much needed judgment. Harshly.

THE GIRLS BATHROOM

Slamming the door hard against the wall, Santana glared down where Quinn was in the fetal position on the floor. "Get off the floor bitch. I can not believe that you are the mother of my goddaughter, I'm not going to allow you to harm sweet baby Beth with the filth that you have gathered onto yourself. Honesty."

"Rachel ….." Quinn moaned over and over again.

Santana waited until the door clicked shut behind her. "You really blew it this time, Quinn." Turning she locked the door. She didn't want Rachel too come in any given moment. She wasn't concerned about any other student – because everyone knew that this bathroom was off limits expect to Rachel and Quinn. She had made damn sure of that the moment that Quinn told her that Rachel was no longer a target.

"Rachel..." Quinn continued to moan.

Santana knew that this situation called for some drastic measures. Otherwise there would be no bringing Quinn back from the brink of the ledge that she currently placed herself in. "So I guess Rachel is back too being a free agent. Glad to know that I can destroy the troll once more. Man Hands won't know what hit her once I'm threw with that little treasure tail of hers. I knew that she was just using you to move on up the food chain – glad that you came to your senses once more Quinn." She sneered as she finally knelt down in front of Quinn.

Quinn stopped dead still. Within a few seconds she sat up with death written on her face. "If you make on move against Rachel, Lopez, than I'll kill you myself."

Santana's right eye brow rose, "I see so even Beth wouldn't be worth your life." She laughed lowly. "I see that troll has managed to delude your thinking. Can't believe that I'm seeing this of Quinn Fabray – never thought I would ever see Quinn Fabray bow to another human being." She wanted to throw up with the words that were spewing from her mouth.

But it had too be done.

"Beth …." Quinn whispered as she stared into her enemy's eyes. "Rachel... Beth …." She closed her eyes as she tried too breath through the tightness of her chest.

"What's worth the fight for life for you Quinn?" Santana hissed in her ear. "Your daughter or your soul mate? You can have both you know. They are yours by right. But if you give up; than what?" Her voice harden, "If you give up the fight, than you'll feel my wrath in the after life."

Quinn breathed hard and fast, until she managed to get her breathing under control. "I can't believe that I let her out. I thought I slammed her into the darkest reaches of the inner most of my soul. I thought that I managed to lock her up for good."

Santana sighed as she took both of Quinn's hands tightly into her own. "She'll never be locked up,  
Quinn. How can she be – when she had been created even before you were old enough to protect yourself from her?"

Tears ran freely down Quinn's cheeks.

"You are just as much of a victim of hers just as Rachel, and everyone else is. Even more so than anyone. Your parents created her perhaps even while you were still in your mother's womb. You didn't have a hand in creating her." Santana right hand rose and brushed aside the blond hair from the right side of Quinn's eyes. "But you are in control of her now. You get to decide when she's allowed out."

"I don't ever want her out again." Quinn steely said.

"She actually does have a place in this world, Quinn. She's there to help you protect Rachel and Beth. If anyone in the world even thinks of attacking or hurting Rachel and Beth, she'll be out fighting and protecting them." Santana smiled softly. "That's her true calling."

"How is my own worst enemy be the only saving grace that Rachel and Beth has?" Quinn shook her head.

"I never said she is the only saving grace for them." Santana smirked. "I'm saying that she's going to be helping you protect them." She turned serious once more. "You just need to learn to keep her under wraps expect for the extreme situations that she's called for."

"I scared Rachel so bad, S." Quinn moaned wrapping her arms around her waist. "I scared her more than I ever did in the past."

"Rachel trusts you." Santana simply said.

Quinn stared over the Latina's shoulder, "She shouldn't."

"Well she does. Just deal with it all ready." Santana stood to her feet, brushing off her cheerleader's skirt. "If you are going to be on the ground holding me on top, Q., than I suggest you get your ass out of this bathroom all freaking ready." She tucked the unkempt hair back into it's tight pony tail hold.

"Where is Rachel?" Quinn softly asked.

"Where do you think?" Santana said going to the door. Unlocking it, "Seriously Quinn, clean yourself off before you go too Rachel. You know how Berry is about cleanliness." She opened the door and left.

Quinn slowly got to her feet. She numbly washed her hands, and face as she stared into the mirror. She didn't recognize herself anymore.

THE AUDITORIUM

Quinn slipped into the slightly ajar door to the auditorium and squinted in the dark trying to find Rachel. She knew that she would find the short Diva there; it was after all the most safest place that Rachel had at McKinley. Even more so than the restroom – and just slightly above the Glee choir room. She couldn't see her – but she could feel Rachel's essence in the room. She allowed the door to silently shut behind her as she slowly made her way down the center isle.

She stopped dead in her tracks two rows to where Rachel was sitting. She wasn't alone. By no means was she alone. Puck was sitting beside her – ever so close beside her. Quinn couldn't tell when he stopped and Rachel started. That was how close they were sitting.

Fire rose from her soul to her chest. Her fists clenched at her sides and her eyes grew hard. She opened her mouth to stop whatever was going on when; "She hates me." Rachel's broken voice broke through the firely haze in her brain.

"No she doesn't." Puck softly said as he tightened his hold around Rachel's waist.

"I ran." Rachel said. "When she needed me the most, I ran like a scared rabbit."

"Rachel..." Rachel's head lifted from Noah's chest and stared at Quinn at the end of the isle with tears rolling down her cheeks. Slowly she stood to her feet and made her way down the isle. Lifting her hand up to lightly run down the blond's right cheek line. "Oh God, Rachel I'm so sorry." Quinn sobbed throwing her arms tightly around Rachel and pulling the short Diva tightly to her. "I'm so, so sorry."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn, and just held her as they both shared in their grief.

END CHAPTER NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided not to write a Winter 2015 part for this chapter. This song title best fits Quinn, and I just couldn't come up with a 2015 moment for her too overcome as I found for the Fall of 2010.


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